Well, that was a fairly stupid idea

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So! I went Ambien shopping around a week ago and bought a new host for LaineyD.com. I’d been toying with the idea for a couple years – previously, I was paying a lot for hosting and since this is a vanity project I felt it made sense to get this done as cheaply as possible. Thanks to a coupon code, I have cut my hosting price by about 70%, so, yay.

I am well, I hope all of you are as well 🙂


More Social Mediums

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Blah blah, LinkedIn, forced to join by boss, blah blah kiss ass bullshit, blah blah friending people there sucks. Blah blah too many emails, blah blah “Who the hell are you?” Blah blah Aloooooooone.

Oh and my worst fear about LinkedIn is that if I change my job title because of my new promotion it’ll fire off an email to all my LinkedIn friends “Congratulate Elaine on her new job!” and I’m afraid that they’ll mistakenly email the company and say “Thank GOD you finally fired that dumb Elaine girl!” Ugh, I know I would.


Pinteresting

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So anyway, I have joined Pinterest (and I just had the worst time spelling that word, even though it is literally one tab away from this tab on my browser), albeit under an assumed name. Sometimes, after a tough day of payroll fuckery (autocorrect, what the hell? Stop correcting “fuckery” to “fakery” – neither is an actual word! Let It Go!) and other assorted crap (oh the stories I would tell if this wasn’t so…public) I really enjoy going there.

1) For the absurdly delicious looking baked goods and other food things. Peanut butter, chocolate, cake, cupcake, frosted, cheesy, potatoes, whatever. (On an unrelated note, I am starving right now).

2) To scratch my head over people who think the solution to all of life’s problems comes in painting a pallet and making it into a swing, a table, a planter, a nuclear reactor, whatevs. Or buying mason jars from the Dollar Tree and turning them into “thrifty and beautiful wedding centerpieces”. And someone even pinned a method to make buttons using only a mile of yarn and a plastic O-shaped circle. You knit the button. Really? I’m going to come home from spending the day trying to not stab myself in the face with a knitting needle and instead knit a button? No I’m not. I’m going to the Dollar Tree instead and buying buttons there because I am not as batshit crazy as that person.

3) I do find it tremendously helpful to look up dresses, houses, etc when I’m writing. It will also help me when I write a World Famous Novel and Hollywood Wants to Make a Movie Out Of It.

4) My favorite thing to do on Pinterest and probably the entire Internet is to go through the “Everything” board and find the weight loss scam pins and report them to Pinterest for being spammers. When I don’t have the energy for Canasta, for Words With Friends, for blogging (duh), I always always have the energy for narcing. Am I a huge goody two shoes? Yeah. Am I a mean bitch? Definitely. Am I crazy enough to knit my own buttons? Nope.


This week

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Hi all.

So, here’s what is up with me in no particular order:

1) Saw my dermatologist last week, she’s advocating coal tar as this visit’s miracle cure for my psoriasis. Guess what smells terrible? Coal tar. On the bright side, it is working I think. I’ve got coal tar lotion, some kind of mystery goop and pine tar soap. I am totally kicking it 1830s style here. I smell like the service department at a car dealership.

2) Speaking of skin, the doctor also advocates me getting some sunshine as it will also help. You know you are one fucked up person when your dermatologist is recommending you get sun. (Or maybe she’s just banking that I’ll end up with melanoma so she can make her boat payment in a couple years). She told me to get out in the sun at exactly noon every day. What?? First of all, what are the odds of me escaping the office for lunch at noon ever?  And where am I supposed to sunbathe at the office? (Never mind, I just figured that one out). So far I have made it out at noon once this week and the closest I could get to sunbathing is propping my feet up on the car dashboard while eating McDonalds.

3) Work is, well, worky. I have probably explained that every email we receive at work is turned into a “case” and since most of my coworkers are nitwits inexperienced, most of the cases end up with me. Hence, I have approximately 120 “cases” assigned to me, which is officially more than the rest of my (former) team combined. Unnnngh. Working tomorrow, BTW.

4) On the bright side, I think I love my new role at work. I have an awesome boss. Now if I could just get smart enough to do my job. More about this later.

5) And now to move backwards…my visit with Mom and Dad (when then visited Cheesecake City) was wonderful. We had some yummy meals out, did some shopping, and circled the Kabletown Arena about a zillion times waiting for Dad to come out of the Eric Clapton concert. It is very rare that I get my parents to myself (which is understandable since I moved 800ish miles away) but it was just so great to have them in town.

6) Breaking news: Sitting on the porch swing (sunning my ankles) and I think Sadie just ate a bee. Holy crap. She is one hardcore mutt.


And here’s my day

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(First Day in New Job! New Desk! Same Everything Else!)

1) Got to work early to catch up with stuff, prepare for back to back training sessions

2) Ran web meeting with client (which I’d totally forgotten about until I saw it in Outlook – “CALL CLIENT NOW!”)

3) Trained 1st client on new time and labor management system. Started late due to client lollygagging getting on the phone (15 minutes late! Urgh!)

4) Trained 2nd client on same new system. Made it to the section on tracking time off, prompting client to say “Yeahhh, this isn’t going to work for us.” They terminated service in the middle of the training class. What?!!!?!

5) Hmm. Gotta say, the client terminating service kinda ruined my day. Oh wells.


They say it’s my birthday…

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Well, most people did anyway. Turned 36 yesterday. What the hell? (Here’s what I know: I’d better be in a place in my life where I can go someplace amazing to turn 40 at, to soften the blow. I’m not very good at getting older, the entire concept genuinely puzzles me. More about that later.)

But here’s what I did:

Baked my own birthday cake using the recipe called “Depression Cake“, which sounds like a downer except that the name is because you mix all the dry ingredients then form 3 depressions in the dry ingredients for oil, vanilla and (strangely) vinegar (just a little!) and then mix and bake.

Cleaned out more home office stuff and took a carload to Goodwill and ran to the grocery store to buy frosting. Also gave Denise the opportunity to earn a million Friend points (even via texting she’s a champion listener) because something had made me a little sad.

Gene and I had BBQ for dinner, I talked to my parents and my grandfather and eventually I iced the cake and served it. I’m not 100% sure if I like it enough to make again and Gene’s opinion was that it was meh.

Today I got my hair cut (next time: color!). It is so exciting being a grownup.


Indiaaaaana, you old banana….

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So! I just got back from my visit to Indianapolis. I cannot even put into words how wonderful it was. I hadn’t been home in so, so long. A ridiculously long time. How did I go nearly 2 years without seeing my family in Indiana? And it wasn’t enough time, even though I could have crammed more activities into the days.

Friday, I worked all morning and then Gene took me to lunch at PF Changs and then to the airport. My original flight was delayed (due to weather?) and if I’d taken the flight from Cheesecake to NYC I would have been stuck for the night in NYC (which wouldn’t have been bad except for the whole no hotel reservation thing there) so Delta rerouted me through Minneapolis. (Wrong. Damn. -Apolis Delta!!). If the original flight was delayed due to weather I don’t know what they expected to find in Minnesota but it was snowing hard and blowing sideways.

Eventually, I made it to Indianapolis and figured out that my GPS from home was slightly outclassed by whatever-the-heck was done to the freeway. (Well, it was either my GPS or my natural ability to get lost driving places and I didn’t have any trouble getting to the airport this morning using the GPS…sooooo!!). And then I made it to my parents’ house. And my mom was all “YAY” and I was all “WOOHOO!” and I was home.


Insane Thing I Said on Thursday

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So, I believe I have said before that I say at least one crazy ass thing per day at work.

Thursday, the Vatican elected the new Pope. My manager said the new Pope’s from Argentina. I stood up, waved my arms over my head and said “I’M THE NEW POPE-A!”

I may or may not have suggested my colleagues kiss my ring.

Yes, I was sober.

I mean, I COULD have been elected Pope. My alma mater are the Ball State Cardinals…I was a Cardinal!


Do Payroll

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(This is one of the reasons why I don’t write here as often anymore…almost my only topic of conversation is work. Good days at work, bad days at work, promotions, hating my job, loving my job, the devil known as year-end, etc. Boooooring).

Anyway, today was a crappy day. Really, the last week has been fairly tough due to a client with technical difficulties. At work, we deal with various types of clients. We do payroll (ugh, Do Payroll) for companies and we provide technical solutions for companies who (ugh) Do Payroll for companies and we provide software for companies who (ugh) Do Payroll for companies who (double ugh) Do Payroll. The problematic client is both of the last two categories.

First up, clients who do payroll for companies are supposed to have Certain Technical Abilities. We don’t expect greatness but we do expect them to install software for themselves. At the very least I shouldn’t have to spend an entire afternoon downloading Windows Updates so we can move forward.

Second, clients who do payroll for companies who do payroll for companies should be Payroll Technical Demigods. Their IT guy should not be a frat buddy of the company’s owner who refuses to get involved (and also has an hourly rate). Their IT guy should know what the fuck a server is. They should not point the client at a drive and say “Yeah, your database is in there somewhere, I think…”

(A Small Aside… why am I always dealing with servers? Waitresses…computers…servers! Pfffhhht).

Third, I shouldn’t have to spend days of my time trying to get software to load and then install. In the real world, these people are at least payroll geniuses and don’t need to involve us at all when they need an installation. These people are (twirls finger in tight circle at ear level – this doesn’t count as defamation does it?) and I spent most of the day trying to fix them up.

All the while, I’m just dying inside. I could be helping my team. I could be trying to fix the time clock client’s time clock (client is now threatening to pull their business). A major direct client’s payroll was FUBAR and I didn’t have time to research it. I could have been working on my 80+ cases. I have a million and a half things to do but instead of sitting on a fucking web conference being this company’s IT bitch. And questioning my technical abilities. And my time and problem management abilities.