Happy Codependence Day

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So, I had Thursday off and I took Friday off so I could have one of those groovy 4 day weekends. (In retrospect, THIS  is the weekend I should have gone to Indy). And as my reward, the longest. fucking. 4 day. weekend. in. history. YAY. I want a refund on my 8 hours of vacation please.

Last Sunday I was vacuuming and injured my back. Went to the chiropractor on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Mostly feeling better, although Monday was a huge struggle (guess who screamed like a horror movie victim at the chiropractor?) and in retrospect I should not have gone to work. But of course I did, as I am lousy at taking sick time when I’m sick (I’d taken the previous Monday off because I thought I was getting sick…little did I know!).

Anyway, I’d like to go to work please (assuming that the beach is not an option…given a choice I’d rather be on a chaise reading and/or looking at a body of water such as an ocean, a pool or a swamp).


This and that

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1) WordPress, I always click the little “remember me” checkbox and you never do. Heartbreak 🙁

2) Going to Indiana next weekend for a little impromptu visit home. Arriving late Friday, leaving early evening on Sunday. Scared the crap out of my mom when I texted her to call me as she didn’t get the voicemail I left her that said “Call me, no emergency”. I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the phone during the work day on Monday and Tuesday, talking to Mom, various doctors, CVS etc.

3) Much like my trip in March, I don’t have any actual plans. I don’t even intend to do any shopping.

4) So why a surprise trip? Let’s just add this to the list of things I may write about someday but not today. Not trying to vagueblog, but there are a lot of reasons I can’t just start writing about everything that’s happened lately. And if we do get to a place where I can do that…

5) Working my way through the cases at work. Cases are like gray hairs… get rid of one, 4 grow in its place. Ungh. I still think I’m fairly crap at this job. Boss is out of town coming up this week so it may be a triumph or a disaster. I’d like a triumph, I’d like my boss to be proud of me.

6) Literally had a client say to me today that when I was on the team he’d pray to get me on the phone but now…not so much. I’ll drink to that, client. Work is like being good at something minor and easy “Oh, you’re good at putting on bandaids? Perfect, we’ll make you a brain surgeon since it’s the same thing and you’re the only person good with the bandaids. I’m sure it’ll work out. The clients won’t mind that they are paying for someone to operate on their brain who should really be running around with a first aid kit.”


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So, there are two stories I can tell you right now:

1) I can yammer for awhile about social media but I think the only one I haven’t brought up is Twitter, but I really like Twitter and the only story I have about Twitter is the time that Sam Neill requested to follow me. I never actually Tweet but sometimes I like to check the list of my followers to make sure he’s still there. Sam’s on my list (you know, my List!), which I really thought had more to do with sex and less to do with Twitter, but that’s the 21st century I guess.

2) Or, I can talk about work. Work is really, really difficult. I mean, I guess it’s easier than being a cardio-thorassic surgeon, President of the United States or a special ed teacher. But still, on the LaineyD scale it rates an 8.9. Typically I sit at my desk and look at my ‘cases’ and think “What the fuck do I do with all of these? Or any of these? Maybe even one?” And then I start to work on one and then I get distracted, either by a bright and shiny object or by an IM from a coworker asking for an update on a case.

The update I want to give is usually “Fuck you and your update! Here’s an update: get a life! Leave me alone! I am very busy and I have too much to do!” The update I usually give is “Sure, let me take a look at it”.

My work life is a lot like one of those episodes of Hoarders where they show the gigantic mess that was once a split level house and everyone stands there with a shovel and wonders where to start cleaning. You can’t organize this crap, there’s no way to say “Okay, we’ll put the broken musical instruments here and the dead birds in that corner and the empty boxes of Lucky Charms next to the oven!” Really the only thing to do is rent a dumpster and start heaving stuff in there.

The work version of this is to close cases indiscriminately and hope that no one notices. So far, my record for this is pretty spotty so it’s less of a long term plan and more of a Hail Mary.


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So anyway, I have joined Pinterest (and I just had the worst time spelling that word, even though it is literally one tab away from this tab on my browser), albeit under an assumed name. Sometimes, after a tough day of payroll fuckery (autocorrect, what the hell? Stop correcting “fuckery” to “fakery” – neither is an actual word! Let It Go!) and other assorted crap (oh the stories I would tell if this wasn’t so…public) I really enjoy going there.

1) For the absurdly delicious looking baked goods and other food things. Peanut butter, chocolate, cake, cupcake, frosted, cheesy, potatoes, whatever. (On an unrelated note, I am starving right now).

2) To scratch my head over people who think the solution to all of life’s problems comes in painting a pallet and making it into a swing, a table, a planter, a nuclear reactor, whatevs. Or buying mason jars from the Dollar Tree and turning them into “thrifty and beautiful wedding centerpieces”. And someone even pinned a method to make buttons using only a mile of yarn and a plastic O-shaped circle. You knit the button. Really? I’m going to come home from spending the day trying to not stab myself in the face with a knitting needle and instead knit a button? No I’m not. I’m going to the Dollar Tree instead and buying buttons there because I am not as batshit crazy as that person.

3) I do find it tremendously helpful to look up dresses, houses, etc when I’m writing. It will also help me when I write a World Famous Novel and Hollywood Wants to Make a Movie Out Of It.

4) My favorite thing to do on Pinterest and probably the entire Internet is to go through the “Everything” board and find the weight loss scam pins and report them to Pinterest for being spammers. When I don’t have the energy for Canasta, for Words With Friends, for blogging (duh), I always always have the energy for narcing. Am I a huge goody two shoes? Yeah. Am I a mean bitch? Definitely. Am I crazy enough to knit my own buttons? Nope.

This week

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Hi all.

So, here’s what is up with me in no particular order:

1) Saw my dermatologist last week, she’s advocating coal tar as this visit’s miracle cure for my psoriasis. Guess what smells terrible? Coal tar. On the bright side, it is working I think. I’ve got coal tar lotion, some kind of mystery goop and pine tar soap. I am totally kicking it 1830s style here. I smell like the service department at a car dealership.

2) Speaking of skin, the doctor also advocates me getting some sunshine as it will also help. You know you are one fucked up person when your dermatologist is recommending you get sun. (Or maybe she’s just banking that I’ll end up with melanoma so she can make her boat payment in a couple years). She told me to get out in the sun at exactly noon every day. What?? First of all, what are the odds of me escaping the office for lunch at noon ever?  And where am I supposed to sunbathe at the office? (Never mind, I just figured that one out). So far I have made it out at noon once this week and the closest I could get to sunbathing is propping my feet up on the car dashboard while eating McDonalds.

3) Work is, well, worky. I have probably explained that every email we receive at work is turned into a “case” and since most of my coworkers are nitwits inexperienced, most of the cases end up with me. Hence, I have approximately 120 “cases” assigned to me, which is officially more than the rest of my (former) team combined. Unnnngh. Working tomorrow, BTW.

4) On the bright side, I think I love my new role at work. I have an awesome boss. Now if I could just get smart enough to do my job. More about this later.

5) And now to move backwards…my visit with Mom and Dad (when then visited Cheesecake City) was wonderful. We had some yummy meals out, did some shopping, and circled the Kabletown Arena about a zillion times waiting for Dad to come out of the Eric Clapton concert. It is very rare that I get my parents to myself (which is understandable since I moved 800ish miles away) but it was just so great to have them in town.

6) Breaking news: Sitting on the porch swing (sunning my ankles) and I think Sadie just ate a bee. Holy crap. She is one hardcore mutt.

And here’s my day

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(First Day in New Job! New Desk! Same Everything Else!)

1) Got to work early to catch up with stuff, prepare for back to back training sessions

2) Ran web meeting with client (which I’d totally forgotten about until I saw it in Outlook – “CALL CLIENT NOW!”)

3) Trained 1st client on new time and labor management system. Started late due to client lollygagging getting on the phone (15 minutes late! Urgh!)

4) Trained 2nd client on same new system. Made it to the section on tracking time off, prompting client to say “Yeahhh, this isn’t going to work for us.” They terminated service in the middle of the training class. What?!!!?!

5) Hmm. Gotta say, the client terminating service kinda ruined my day. Oh wells.

They say it’s my birthday…

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Well, most people did anyway. Turned 36 yesterday. What the hell? (Here’s what I know: I’d better be in a place in my life where I can go someplace amazing to turn 40 at, to soften the blow. I’m not very good at getting older, the entire concept genuinely puzzles me. More about that later.)

But here’s what I did:

Baked my own birthday cake using the recipe called “Depression Cake“, which sounds like a downer except that the name is because you mix all the dry ingredients then form 3 depressions in the dry ingredients for oil, vanilla and (strangely) vinegar (just a little!) and then mix and bake.

Cleaned out more home office stuff and took a carload to Goodwill and ran to the grocery store to buy frosting. Also gave Denise the opportunity to earn a million Friend points (even via texting she’s a champion listener) because something had made me a little sad.

Gene and I had BBQ for dinner, I talked to my parents and my grandfather and eventually I iced the cake and served it. I’m not 100% sure if I like it enough to make again and Gene’s opinion was that it was meh.

Today I got my hair cut (next time: color!). It is so exciting being a grownup.

Indiaaaaana, you old banana….

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So! I just got back from my visit to Indianapolis. I cannot even put into words how wonderful it was. I hadn’t been home in so, so long. A ridiculously long time. How did I go nearly 2 years without seeing my family in Indiana? And it wasn’t enough time, even though I could have crammed more activities into the days.

Friday, I worked all morning and then Gene took me to lunch at PF Changs and then to the airport. My original flight was delayed (due to weather?) and if I’d taken the flight from Cheesecake to NYC I would have been stuck for the night in NYC (which wouldn’t have been bad except for the whole no hotel reservation thing there) so Delta rerouted me through Minneapolis. (Wrong. Damn. -Apolis Delta!!). If the original flight was delayed due to weather I don’t know what they expected to find in Minnesota but it was snowing hard and blowing sideways.

Eventually, I made it to Indianapolis and figured out that my GPS from home was slightly outclassed by whatever-the-heck was done to the freeway. (Well, it was either my GPS or my natural ability to get lost driving places and I didn’t have any trouble getting to the airport this morning using the GPS…sooooo!!). And then I made it to my parents’ house. And my mom was all “YAY” and I was all “WOOHOO!” and I was home.

Insane Thing I Said on Thursday

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So, I believe I have said before that I say at least one crazy ass thing per day at work.

Thursday, the Vatican elected the new Pope. My manager said the new Pope’s from Argentina. I stood up, waved my arms over my head and said “I’M THE NEW POPE-A!”

I may or may not have suggested my colleagues kiss my ring.

Yes, I was sober.

I mean, I COULD have been elected Pope. My alma mater are the Ball State Cardinals…I was a Cardinal!