ohgodohgodohgodohgod Part II

I am so scared. Gene had a moderately icky day at work today that was much like my moderately icky day Monday (those of you in the know will know what I mean). Part of me believes it will all work out (it always, always does) but the rest is still very scared. One of the talking points from my Monday just cannot, cannot, cannot happen.

I’ve always been incredibly lucky/fortunate and have always guided myself with my #1 Principle for Living, which is “I always get what I want.” Well, what if it is finally coming around to bite me in the ass? what then???

Talked to my best friend this evening, and she was very supportive. I love talking to supportive friends.

God Doesn’t Care!

My buddy at work (actually, her college age daughter) gave me two stickers that proclaim “God Doesn’t Care!” in big letters. I’m not sure what I should do with the stickers, but I like having them.

Anyway, Betty is home from the vet after her (its) operation. I told her to get a man while she could! The man who operated on Betty used to be an investor in Gene’s D&D stores. It’s a long story, but as things work out with overdramatic geeky types who probably wore capes to school sometimes, it didn’t work out and now its just ugly. If the surgery hadn’t been free (lumped in with the cost of adopting Betty) I would probably have preferred it to take place at Betty and Scooby’s regular vet.

A funny thing at work: the company’s administrative assistant told me that I should have a baby so I can take part in all the child raising conversations. I told her from her mouth to God’s ears, which is pretty funny since I’m an atheist. Anyway, God doesn’t care.

Scooby’s pawing at me and I have a headache, so that’s all for tonight.

Two Quick Movie Reviews

Saw two movies onTV this weekend. Actually, saw 2 and finished a third. (I love my PVR — run out and get one now if you’re a loser like me without a social life).

1) Saw Mona Lisa Smile on Starz at 3 (or 5?) AM Saturday morning. Maybe it’s just because I watched it with the volume on low since Gene was sleeping but while I know this was a Julia Roberts movie, it didn’t really register with me that she was in it. The movie featured a strong group of younger female actresses (Julia Stiles, Maggie Gyllenhall, Kirsten Dunst, etc) and I was very impressed with their performances. ***
2) 13 Going on 30 — saw it on DVD with the boy Saturday night (since Gene plays poker on Saturdays, I hang out with the boy those nights). While Big is still the leader in this genre of films, I thought it was enjoyable. Mark Buffalo (Ruffalo? something) was the romantic lead — am I the only one who noticed that Jennifer Garner is gorgeous and he’s way out of her league? Oh, well. Got to torture the boy with a chick flick (I hear Mean Girls is coming out soon!) and at least it was only 98 minutes long (16 minutes longer than The Tigger Movie) so it was harmless enough. **1/2
3) Lost in La Mancha — a documentary about Terry Gilliam (the animator for Monty Python)’s attempt to make a movie of Don Quixote (note to self: key-ho-tee, not quicks-oat). The effort failed and I gotta say it was a heartbreaker since Python is cool and I hate to see someone’s dream die like that. Hopefully he’ll figure out a way to make the movie in the future. In the movie’s best scene, Johnny Depp (who was to star) and the French gentleman who was to play Don Key-ho-tee (note to self: definitely NOT Donkey Hotey) were sitting together reading the script (rehearsing? maybe). The French gentleman was wearing a dress shirt with a sweater tied around his shoulders (he could have eaten lunch at Panera, come to think of it…) and they pan to Johnny Depp, who’s wearing a winter cap with “The Viper Room” emblazoned upon it. The movie was also going to star Johnny’s girlfriend (and baby mama) Vanessa Paradis (I thought she was a French pop star, not an actress?). Vanessa had a minor, minor US pop hit in the early 90s with a song called “Be My Baby”. I know all the words. Sounds a lot like the “Love me, love me, say that you love meeee” song that we liked so well at college. Anyway, Lost in LaMancha gets a rockin’ ****.


One more weekend, down the drain

Why do weekends go so fast?

I got a lot done today. I continued working on the laundry and actually got most of it folded (do you hear the sound of the last load laughing at me from the dryer?), which is a miracle. After we met Blanche and Gene’s Aunt Peggy for lunch we stopped off at the pet store for more pet stuff (when Gene paid the bills, we realized that we have a $50/week habit at Petsmart. It can only be a good thing that Scoob’s class is done) and then we went home. Gene played with various technological things (mostly playing Sims 2) while I did the laundry, vacuumed the bedroom (vacuumed the living room, my office and the dining room Saturday), swept (like with a broom, y’all!) the kitchen (eeeeeew), cleaned the kitchen, put away clean dishes and replaced with dirty, etc, etc. I understand the inequity in our roles since Gene works.

Hmm. Oh, wait.

In other good news: the fence is in and the dogs love it love it love it! I love it too, especially because now we can let them out in the back yard without leashes. I never knew Scooby could run so fast! So far, at least one of us is in the yard with them at all times so they’re perfectly safe although I worry about them. Scooby runs fast and has a brain the size of a walnut. I don’t know what I’d do without either of them. Betty goes to the vet tomorrow for her big operation (spaying? neutering? something) and will come home Tuesday afternoon. I will miss her and I’m curious to see how Scooby does for once getting all of our attention.

So, about babies…

As I revealed in an earlier post, I want a Baby. I’ve been avoiding the subject both on the ‘blog and in real life but I think now is as good a time as any to go ahead and start talking. Besides, one of my faithful blog readers grilled me on the topic recently, but the office (especially when the boss is breathing down my neck for any of the 12 trillion projects she’s given me) isn’t really the time or the place to get too terribly descriptive.

So here’s the deal…Gene and I are 8 years different in age, putting him at 35. Our vaguely discussed deal was that if we had babies, it would be before he was 35. Well, his 35th birthday was 8/17 and by the end of August I finally felt comfortable to admit that I was having Baby Rabies (pardon the phrase — but surely it’s rabies or something if you spend an afternoon of valuable alone time researching car seats?). Well, that went over like a pork chop in a punchbowl.

Why did I finally feel comfortable? I’ve had minor occurences of the rabies since (per my friend Julie) February. I’d say the first round actually dates back to late 2002 (once you’ve got the wedding pictures, you start thinking about The Next Step). This feeling came in waves — “wantababywantababywantababyNOWWWWW” followed pretty quickly by equally strong waves saying “hey stupid, you like manicures and your cleaning lady and your home office and you’d lose all 3!” But by last month the feeling was not really going away. I was considering ditching the Cleaning Lady (Ole Unreliable, see earlier posts) and manicures are worthless if you have to go home and try to walk two insane dogs immediately after. And the home office? well, maybe I could move my computer to a corner or to the boy’s room.

(Rant: And that’s ANOTHER THING…why the hell would Future Unnamed Baby D get stuck in my 10×10 home office when the boy can barely bother to call his father on his BIRTHDAY but gets the gigantic bonus room upstairs??????)

Anyway: the feelings weren’t leaving. What I needed was to gain the courage to confess these feelings to Gene. My real fantasy was to have Gene say to me in some romantic setting, “I want you to have my baby” but Gene admitted it would never, ever happen :(. His feeling is that if I really, really want a baby we could have one but he’s fine either way. I don’t WANT a father who’s fine either way about our children (!!!). I don’t want ambivalence, I want desire to procreate. And when he says I’d better “really really want” a baby, I think he’s looking for desire to be a mommy on the same level of, oh, I dunno, my friend Julie or an elementary teacher.

So I told Gene at dinner one night and he totally was not into it. Reminded me of giving up all the things I love (manicures, cleaning lady, home office). Which reminds me — WTF would he give up? Bupkis, that’s what. Well, that’s not true. He’d give up ever getting a BMW, which I know is a big thing to him. What I can’t figure out (and here is proof of my skewed views) is how all the other families in our neighborhood seem to have a stay at home mom and no problem taking vacations and buying new cars. How come we can’t do that on Gene’s salary? (note to self: do not tell husband about blog). My theory is that he’s trying to talk me out of having a baby because of the money issue. I also think that he didn’t particularly want to have a kid the first time (shhhh), he’s got 8 years til the boy goes to college and why on earth would he want to restart that clock?

So I just don’t know what to do. As Gene and I have discussed, it would take 2 years to save the money to have a baby (we need to pay off our credit cards and Gene needs a new or at least newer car), plus we’d have to give up things that we really enjoy (he mentioned the satellite dish — I just don’t see that happening). At that point he’s 37 and I’m 29. I don’t think he’s a very good father (maybe it’s just more romantic notions, but if I were in his place I’d keep calling the boy until he called back — the kid is 10, not 24!) but maybe he’d be better as a full time parent instead of this weekend Dad crap. Plus I understand that having children can cause a lot of stress in a marriage, and if we’d really be as strapped financially as Gene suggests, I worry that our marriage wouldn’t succeed. Having a child is the #1 greatest indicator that a woman will end up filing bankruptcy (per the book “The Two Income Trap”). Gene does have the prescence of mind to retort that he’s concerned that NOT having a child could jeopardize our marriage as well. I don’t want to make his life miserable, though, without the things he dreams of (house on the lake when we retire, a boat, a sweet vacation, a BMW) and Gene is not the kind of man from the movies who want all that stuff, have a kid instead, and find fullfillment that way. He’s more of a “Hey, Princess, you’re wearing the down payment for my car on your left hand!” kind of guy.

So, about today’s pictures…

Today was Scooby’s graduation from Basic class at PetsMart (he PASSED!!!!!!). They took a Polaroid of him in the graduation cap but I wasn’t ballsy enough to ask for a minute to use my handy dandy new digital camera.

Yeah, El@ine has a digital camera. After lunch, we went to a camera shop across the street from our house and bought a digital camera. Happy early Xmas to Elaine! Our goal was to spend as little as possible while having a decent camera that would allow me to put more pictures in my blog. I told the s@leslady less than $200 so she shows me two cameras, one for $149 and the other for $199. By the time we walked out, we had a camera, a memory card and a free teddy bear (WTF??). I feel a little guilty spending that kind of money on it (since I kept eyeballing the $100 camera that probably would have done the same thing), but it’s truly cool. Plus I can also take moving pictures. I always wanted to direct, you know.

More posts later…I’m working on the baby post that I have promised.