Laziest Blogger EVER…

Posted on


(Hi Doctor Nick…)


Not much new here. Monday we took the boy and Blanche home, bought a ton more dog food/toys/etc and met with Blanche’s realtor.

Ooh. Let’s go to and see if Blanche’s house is listed! Ooh, it is, it is!

No pressure, friends, neighbors and lucky readers of my ‘blog.

Anyway, got home about 9 pm on Monday. Way to have a 3 day weekend. Tuesday, we got through about half of our restaurants W-2 printing when we realized something wasn’t right on them — the company name :::foreheadsmack::: Ugh. I stayed until 5:30 last night to get us to the same point we were at when I arrived at work Tuesday morning. Today, we’re almost finished. Hooray!

Today was big fabulous nail day. Started the breakup process with Patty (Hi Patty!). Waahh. Got a manicure and a pedicure. Have already ruined — and I mean really, really ruined — the pedicure. Stupid, Stupid Elaine. Was supposed to meet Gene at 7:15 at Japanese restaurant. Didn’t leave salon until quarter til 8. Jammed unset feet in shoes to walk into restaurant. Stupid, Stupid Elaine.

Let’s write a Stupid Elaine haiku. Five syllables, Seven Syllables, Five Syllables, right?

What a Stupid Hooch
Does she think pedis grow on trees?
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid Elaine

BTW, that counts as haiku only using “new math”. Don’t cry for me, Argentina — there is something about calling yourself Stupid 9 times that really makes you smile. If you can’t laugh at yourself…

UGH. Pedicures are expensive. What a stupid, stupid thing to do. I meant to bring my pedicure flip flops with me and that would have made things…better. Maybe I will totally princess out and see if Patty can give me a polish change tomorrow after work. Way to erradicate your gift certificate with stupid extra services, Elaine…


How can I miss you…

Posted on

If you won’t go the fuck away??

As previously noted, I have a “house full” — the MIL and the step son. Blanche very sweetly made us all breakfast this morning but it’s a battle dealing with the cleanup. We each have our way — and my way gets it done…eventually! Her way is to slave away immediately. I know she only does it to be helpful and nice, so I’m trying to be good and swallow the…petty annoyance. I know it’s all petty anyway.

Yesterday we celebrated the boy’s 11th birthday (which is really next weekend) by going to Cheesecake Factory for…cheesecake. And Shepherd’s Pie (the boy’s entree), which he ate for lunch AND dinner. Then Blanche and I separated and we went to Dillard’s to go buy a Valentine’s present for Gene (sshhh!) and some clothes for me (3 pairs of pants and a t-shirt for a total of something like $45). Gene and the boy bought shoes and socks for Gene, which is a good thing…since Gene works from home…and the boy’s shoes were falling apart. God knows, we were in a mall — the Pretty Person mall, in fact — without any shoe stores selling kids shoes. So Blanche and I took the boy to Kohl’s last night. The whole thing worked out, but it’s like “Would it have killed you?”

Today, I was taking a nap when the phone rang. It was one of Gene’s poker buddies from the game. Gene invited him over to (giggle) watch Battlestar Gallactica on the pvr (heheheheheheh)… oh, GOD… ha ha ha ha ha ha! So now they’re going to be hanging out in the bedroom (that’s where the PVR is) and I’m not sure what my plans are. I’d like to escape and go somewhere alone, but I don’t want to abandon Blanche.

It’s the weekend, yes, the weeeekend….

Posted on


and it is a THREE DAY WEEKEND.

Today wasn’t bad. Got to work around 8:15 (again, I love this 8:30-4:30 stuff…), had managers to train all morning, took them for drug testing…

Oh, yeah. I had my drug test today, too — I was selected for random drug testing this quarter. Very fucking funny, guys. So, that part sucked, but…

Got back to the office, talked about benefits, found out that it was lunch time, picked up the lunch tray (mmm, sandwiches), ate a quick lunch then left again to run errands, did payroll things and left around 5:15. Very exciting stuff. The family is on the way — they will be here in about an hour. I may get off my duff and tidy my office closet. I may just stay on my duff and read Jon Stewart’s America. It’s very funny but I just can’t get into it. It’s also now 4 days overdue at the library. I can’t renew it either. Boo.

Is it time for cheesecake yet?

Huh. WTF?

Posted on

Today was a pretty good day! Got to work by 7:45 (love how this 8:30-4:30 stuff works…), worked hard all day, technology only kicked my ass a little, left at 4:30, home with the beagles by 5:30. To-do list is down to 3 items (filing, cleaning my closet and something else). Organized the Xmas decorations — they all fit in the other giant Rubbermaid container that we bought at Target last week. Yipppee. The Xmas tree is still on my dining room table. I’ll leave that for Gene to fix :::hairflick:::

Speaking of, Gene’s coming home tomorrow. And he’s bringing the boy. And Blanche. Yes, a full house for the weekend. We’re going to celebrate the boy’s birthday (he’ll be 11 in a week or so) by going to Cheesecake Factory. It’s almost like he’s my real kid, we’re so alike!

Ordered wedding pictures. Going to send the check tomorrow — checkbook is with Gene in Atlanta. Ooops. The photographer was really nagging the hell out of me after I emailed him the other night. This may finally happen! WOW. Maybe I’ll even get it together enough to make a real wedding album. In the next life, I’m going to hire a photographer and let them put together the album — it’ll go faster. (Note: when I say “next life”, I mean it — I don’t expect to marry again in this lifetime, but I’d might as well take what lessons I’ve learned).

Finally, I think I’m getting ill. My good friend Prednisone (last dose was today) apparently also weakens your immune system while it’s making you crazy about cleaning and I feel feverish. (But it may just be the heat — I think it’s at least 60 degrees right now).

With that, thank you and GOOD NIGHT!


Posted on

and how was YOUR day?

Well…here was MY freaking day….

Actually, you know what? I don’t even feel like getting into it…I started to write it all down, but it’s just too fucking exhausting. Got up late this morning, made it to work basically on time (I’m working 8:30-4:30 this week), IT guy fucked up everything he laid his ugly hands on, but it all ended up working out basically. Left work about 5:30 after fighting payroll battles all freaking day long (and finally, in the end, losing it when I suggested to our controller that the IT guy’s wife and two kids are smarter than the IT guy. When I realized what I said, I got very, very, very red in the face. I later apologized to the controller because it’s not the way I want to be…but this was such a bad day.)

Doggie daycare closes at 6….I made it there at 6:02. Thank Heavens to the good people of Barkn Buddies — they were still there. I think I might have broken in if they had already left. Good folks.

So there you have it…the day sucked, but at least no one went to jail, and I think I still have a job in the morning. Hooray.

I’m going to go find a freaking fried chicken salad. I am hungry and PO’d.

Elaine 🙂


Posted on

Ha ha ha ha ha…Elaine is such a crackhead. I was cruising eBay, checking out wedding gowns (because I am an obsessed NUT). I did a search for the designer of my wedding gown (Jasmine Collection) and this came up. I only saw the small pic and thought “WOW, that’s really gorgeous! That must be a new Jasmine, I’ve never seen it before…” Posted by Hello


Posted on

and THEN I found this little nothing in my closet…now do you understand why I’m such a crackhead loser? I forgot my OWN wedding gown…or couldn’t recognize it. I bet that most of the readers who a) are smarter than me (that’s all of you) and b) were at my wedding were really scratching your heads…”Umm, isn’t that the same gown she wore back then?” I have got to order wedding pics. That’s it. Posted by Hello

Sleepy Beagles…

Posted on

While Gene is out of town I am working from 8:30-4:30 so I can pick up the dogs and not end up at home super late. Right now both dogs are sacked out on the floor in my home office, totally zonked. I hope they had a good day playing with the other dogs. My day was…ehh, not bad. On the way to pick up the beagles, I had to drive over a bridge over the lake we live near. It was nearly sunset and it was sooooo beautiful. I am so freaking glad I live somewhere so pretty.

Yesterday, I got home from work around 6 and Gene was dithering about picking up his rental car that night or this morning. I finally made him just freaking choose, already, and we ended up at the airport car rental. I’m going to say this – NATIONAL CAR RENTAL SUCKS GE-FRIGGING-NORMOUS DONKEY….ugh! It took them a good twenty minutes of dumb stares to finally decide to have him pick out an SUV (he was supposed to have a sedan, but they were out of them…as always — case in point: Gene rented a car from them a few months ago and they were totally out of cars. WTF??? We had to wait for them to wash the dropped off cars…).

So then it’s a speedy drive to IHOP for dinner — I beat Gene there! Woohoo! He took an exit further on the highway than I did and by a total luck shot I beat him there by about 5-10 minutes.

At home, we bitched back and forth about who would pack for him…I won and didn’t have to pack for him. Yippee!


Posted on

What a dull blog.

Today: Got Gene up around noon, went to lunch, Best Buy, Michael’s, Office Depot, Lowes and Home Depot. It is just as exciting as it sounds.

Yesterday: Went to huge mega-mall. Ate lunch at crappy buffet restaurant (not to be confused with the crappy buffet restaurants owned by my employers). Saw “Closer” starring Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Jude Law and the ever-hot hot hot Clive Owen. Yummmmmmmy. My former boss at work saw it (WITH HER TEENAGER — EEEW) a few weeks ago and walked out in the middle. As I told D, I don’t want to be all provincial about it (IM sex…ooh, SHOCKING…10 years ago!) but I found it to be a difficult movie. Excellent performances from all involved but I had trouble understanding their motivations.

Before the movie, we strolled around the mall and came upon the Tupperware kiosk. Hey, we thought, we’re almost out of Tupperware! (the same beast that eats the socks must eat Tupperware). I hope we made that lady’s day — why is it so expensive? We also purchased a dog toy at Bed, Bath and Beyond. What possessed us to buy dog toys there is beyond me. They have already chewed through it.

I also had the pleasure of chatting with my MIL. As some of my readers know, she’s in the process of selling her house to move up north to be with my BIL and his wife and help out with the baby (due in May). What’s making me crazy is that she refuses to really do this right — we suggested she contact a realtor but she hemmed and hawwed so we had our realtor give us a phone number. The big deal now is her yard, which is bedraggled and totally sucky. We told her to have the realtor tell her what it will take to just sell the damned house — yardwork? new carpet? what? But instead she had some landscaper/barber guy do some work because “he’s been in the business a long time and knows what it takes.”

Riiiight. Because he sells so many houses, yes? :::eyeroll::: As opposed to the realtor…

Yes, I know what you’re all thinking. “Duh, Elaine – she doesn’t want to move.” I know, I know. I have a stake in this, though — if she sells the house, her sons (Gene and Al) get some of the proceeds (it’s a complex thing) and our portion of that is enough to finally enact….da da da dummm…Plan B. And frankly, if the only thing standing b/w me and Plan B is an old lady too chickenshit to stand up to her sons and say “NO”, that is not my problem.

Ooh, speaking of weird investments, Gene’s going to give up his share of the store. Really. No, I don’t think he’s going to end up with any money.