LaineyD’s Ultimate Birthday Wishlist…

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(hell, you asked, didn’t you?)

1) Peace onEarth (yes, I saw that it originally said Peace OF earth)
2) Exploding Audi engines
3) A week in St. Lucia for me.
4) A week somewhere else for Gene.
5) A week where I didn’t even have to do the small amount of chore-like things I currently do or go to work so I could hang out and watch the DVDs I have accumulated over the last two years.
6) A fabulously well-paying job doing something I’d really like. Like stroller advisor. Or wedding dress consultant.
7) A car of my own with a key fob of my own. Yes, a good Porsche would fit, thanks. (And by “good” I mean, not the Boxster, which we all know is the cheapest one, which all the dickheads buy just to say “hey, let’s take the Porsche to the beach”. Ugh.)
8) Karma to fucking get to work already. Jesus. Retribution NOW!
9) For life to have an Undo button.
10) To get to fly to OH instead of drive. Ugh. 12 hours each way without even Pepsi to make things brighter. Or chocolate. And MIL will be in the car, too, to look at me like I’m a crackwhore if I shotgun some peanut butter cups when we stop for gas.

(is it called shotgunning if it’s chocolate we’re talking about?)

wow, there goes that relaxation stuff…

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So, a few weeks ago, two of the ladies at my employer take a very quick trip to an island in the Carribean. I think they were there two nights and they made the most of it. I saw one of them a few days later and she said “Yep, all that relaxation is GONE!”

After having a wonderful weekend, I have to say I agree with her wholeheartedly. I don’t really feel like getting into it right now, but I feel so stressed and overwhelmed by my surroundings here and at the office. At home, it feels like everything is on my shoulders and at work, my boss and boss’s boss talked about me and my position in front of me…without bringing me into the discussion. I hate this so much, especially the work stuff. I just finished searching Sunday’s paper and Monster for good positions and didn’t find much.

On the bright side: D (my personal chocolatier and all-around savior) bought me the big (and when I say big, I mean FREAKING HUGE) bag of the Cadbury easter eggs. Plus I still have 2 Symphony bars and plenty of other treats-in-waiting.

And on another note, I really do know how lucky and fortunate and all-around spoiled I am. In my small circle of acquaintenances, I know a person who is out of town taking care of the mess her mother made of her self and her home. It’s a sad story and the person I know is a great lady who deserves better use of her vacation time.

Finally, I give you this (from : The proper way to Hate a Job

9 days to go…

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When I said in an earlier post “It’s my birthday”, I was actually overshooting it by 9 days. The big day is 3/22. I was mostly making reference to that thing from the early ’90s where you said — or, at least my brother Macaulay/Bill said — something about it’s your birthday, get stupid. He he he. Expect whiny birthday-related posts, BTW. I don’t know if I mind getting older (I mean, gee. Even children get older and I’m getting older, tooo….) but I don’t like this sneaking suspicion that the best years of my life really were those years where I lived with or near at least one of my future bridesmaids and we spent our time watching the Golden Girls and eating (ugh) spaghetti. Ooh, and Dawsons Creek.

Additionally, did I tell you all I’ve been cooking? Tonight I made the gourmet meal of Digiorno tortellini (that’s the stuff that looks like fortune cookies, right?) with Digiorno pesto. And lima beans. Yumm (for two adults, anyway. If I tried to feed this to a kid, child protective services would take him away). This morning I baked. Yeah- BAKED (From a mix) Cinnammon strusel muffins. And a few nights ago I made chicken using a recipe from the back of a can of Campbell’s soup. This week’s culinary misadventures are to include Manwiches, breakfast for dinner (possibly prepared by renowned Chef Gene), and chicken n’ biscuits (holdover from last week when we ate out instead).

Good Reader!

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So now I reward you with….MORE!

Gene and I went to the movies to see “Hostage” with Bruce Willis. I’ll leave you to find a review somewhere. I spent a goodly portion of the movie with my eyes closed and the ending could not come soon enough!

Stop reading now if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want spoilers:

I hate movies with children in jeopardy. Between terrorists, serial killers and religious whackos, there is enough REAL to be afraid of without paying good money to see made up ideas.

Oh, and the film had a totally “WTF did THAT come from?” ending. Never trust a movie where Bruce Willis and the guy that played Darlene’s boyfriend on Roseanne are the big draw.

Oh, and there was a dead pet in the movie, too. Luckily I missed that part because my eyes were closed. I knew what was coming and I sure didn’t want to see it.


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I have it figured out….

I’m going to stop looking like I’m 15 when I’m 40. And then I’m gonna look 50.

Those of you who know me, know I don’t look my age. (Segue: Have you seen that commercial for beauty cream where the lady gets the lie detector test and says “I’m only 28”? Bitch — making 28 look haggard, she was!). During college I was once carded to get the child ticket when I went to a karate match with one of my friends. And I always got the fisheye when I sat in the exit row – I think the minimum age for that is 16. So I’ve been thinking about when am I going to finally look my age? (If I could just manage to have the face and body of a 19 year old, I think this would solve all the above issues).

I think that in about 10 years — and these are going to be 10 hard years, lots of sleepless nights, etc — I’m going to look in the mirror and see a 50 year old. And then I’ll be pissed because I’ll have stopped looking 15. And then I’ll be pissed-er because I won’t even be 40 by then. I have some great role models for looking 40. D at work is somewhere around there and looks fabulous. My mom is…err…older than that and I still think she’s beautiful. My old boss is in her early 40s and, backne (ya know, back-acne) aside, looks good. My new boss is my mom’s age and I told her once that she was mom’s age and I just couldn’t believe it. Yeah, she took it one way when I meant it the OTHER way (hey, I was guessing 60). If I ever have to be that age I sincerely hope I go the way of my mom than of other people.

Ya know, let’s talk about topics that are less likely to get my ass kicked at work tomorrow…let’s talk about writing. I actually wrote 3 entire pages (yeah! Go me! go me! It’s my birthday!) awhile ago, and no, it’s not the transcription of the stuff I wrote in Indiana. Well, not entirely. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the ending of the book. (I hope to finish it before we get around to having a kid, as another marker of the end of immaturity and the start of something less vapid). The traditional timeline is 10 years from start to end of the relationship and it has always ended with the big D. Perhaps it’s testament to the relative success of my own marriage (so far – one more dirty glass and then we’ll see!) but I really don’t want these characters to end up apart. As the years have passed, some where I write a lot, some where I only think of the plot once in a while, I have put more and more of me – and Gene, too, in some ways – into this and I am not willing to give them an unhappy ending.

:::deleted much nattering about ending ideas:::

Anyway, it’s time to go to the movies….more later, if you’re good!

Recent Thoughts…

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…on the way to pick up dinner at O’Charleys To-Go, I noticed that the supposed “Luxury Suntan” place in my town is sandwiched between Mexican Restaurant of Questionable Quality and the Ubiquitous Nail Salon. Tres Luxurious!
…gas here at Cheesecake HQ in the Beautiful South has officially topped $2. WTF? I blame you, SUVs. No, not you with the 2+ kids. You with the one kid who thinks “Gee, I’m a mommy now so I must go buy a fucking Expedition because GOD KNOWS I can’t tote the baby in, oh, I dunno, a 1976 Monte Carlo with no A/C”. I’d tote future Dunn baby in a MiniCooper (or even my current car) if Gene would let me. (Edit: Nah, that’s not true. This is going to be one of those things you can all just laugh at me for, when I’m driving around in a giant Hummer or something with a carseat in the back)
…damn Don Henley for not being hot anymore and for looking like a Baptist minister of questionable ethics instead of a hottie. (Yeah he looked a tad leprechuan-ish in this picture, but STILL…)
:::pause a moment whilst Elaine collects herself…:::

…beagles like rolls from O’Charleys. No, not the whole thing, just a crumb. What kind of puppy mother do you think I am?
…I should try to like my job a lot more. One of my friends recently was laid off and I feel really bad for her. She has a plan (which I gotta admit is more ambitious than my own plan should I be laid off) so I’m wishing the best for her. At the same time, though, I really hate my own job.
…have you checked out any of the links I’ve gently nudged you towards? dooce? binky-martini? Sploofus? leprechuan Henley?
…since I’m on a roll, crazy bitch style, did I ever tell you how peeved I was when he cut the long hair off? I think — and I hope Brandy would confirm — that Henley pre ’90 was the only instance where I had a thing for a long hair. (Hey look – he even has his prop guitar in that picture…)
…have I told you about the quiver-full people? It’s a movement where families have kids until their uterus explodes or something. I read about them on another blog and it’s really…something. I’d write more but I’m afraid that psycho super-religious folks would car bomb me and, well, that wouldn’t be a good thing
…HI to Patty, who badgered me about not blogging in a week when I visited her yesterday morning for a manny-cure (OPI Suzi Sells Sushi by the Seashore). Gene bought a bottle of it for me so I can paint my nails in between professional manicures. If you see me walk into the salon next time in mittens, you’ll know what happened!

Well, that’s it for thoughts, so I leave you with this. Wow, those are some baggy pants, eh? Speaking of baggy pants, did I tell you that our IT guy came to work two days in a row wearing gynormous MC Hammer-style pants? I think he wore them so big as to hide his head when it goes up his ass.

I Can’t Complain…

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But sometimes I still do!
Life’s Been Good to Me So Far…

Anyway, simple review:

Oh, it was grrrreat!!!

This is most likely my last Eagles concert unless they pop out a new album (and by new album, I mean 12 new tracks and not some box set bullshit for $100. no no no). Between the new car and austerity savings, even I can’t justify the expense. (Corollary: if the rumor is true and Henley tours with Stevie Nicks sometime, I will be there with bells on).

So…we had great seats. Not floor seats, but two rows off the floor and very close to the stage. During “Life’s Been Good” Joe Walsh walked down an aisle and I think it may have been ours. I couldn’t tell since people were standing up in front of me and since Joe had the helmet-cam on, I didn’t want to get the Jumbotron surprise. They started with The Long Run and ended with Desperado (complete with Star Search/American Idol minute-long final note, ugh). It was basically the same set as Farewell 1 2003 (Farewell 1.0?).

Frey, Walsh and Schmidt were in great voice. I think Frey sounds identical to the original albums (and that’s their goal, BTW). Henley sadly was sounding rough, which is a shame.

Henley spent most of the Eagles songs behind the drums (minus Desperado, natch…and maybe Wasted Time?) and the rest up front with a guitar…possibly a prop guitar? By the end I could tell the guitar had strings on it, but it just didn’t get much use.

Anyway — I’m whining too much! Life’s Been Good was great, all the Frey solo stuff was letter perfect and I made sure to clap extra hard for I Can’t Tell You Why and Love will Keep us Alive (even though I disagree with the sentiment) because poor ol’ Tim just didn’t get enough face time.

A good time was had by all – even the dogs are pooped (ha ha) from doggie sleepaway camp!


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(or Pot-POUR-EEE)

Wow, what a lazy biotch I am. No posts since Monday? Seriously? Wow.

Actually, I think there was an earlier post that got eaten by Blogger, which happens sometimes. Maybe later I’ll check to see if it saved as a draft, which also happens sometimes.

So here’s what’s new…

….just split the rest of the egg part of my McGriddle with the dogs (they each got a piece of egg the size of a quarter). Now I can officially say that I have fed the dog eggs. Gene likes to give me crap about this — he says I feed Scooby eggs in with his kibble to get him to eat. :PPP
….been reading It’s a blog (been reading a LOT of blogs) where the writer used to write about her workplace (never naming names or the company name) and was eventually fired due to her website. While I don’t think my workplace-related posts are as extreme as hers, I also don’t name co-workers or my company name so it’s really given me a lot to think about. I think for the most part I’m going to ask you, my dear readers, to please not read my blog from your office, especially if it’s where I work.
….yesterday was a payroll processing day. I’m out of work all day (been singing “I’ve Been Workin’ on the Railroad” with updated lyrics) to go see the Eagles so I’ve left payroll in my boss’s super capable lap. Unfortunately, our accounts payable clerk has also left town to handle some personal business so now my boss is handling nearly EVERYTHING today. Maybe I should send flowers or a strippergram.
….so about payroll processing yesterday. The act of processing SUCKED – technical errors, but those are just part of the game, ya know? Meanwhile, HR had stuff to go out with the checks that we had to wait on and then….THEN…our shipper’s website went down after we’d only printed a few shipping labels. UGH. I have EARNED a day off!
….another kick-ass blog: She’s selling stuff emblazoned with her logo (the binky in the martini glass), so I ordered a onesie for my SIL. I think she’ll really like it!

So today….
1) Get self ready.
2) Take dogs to Barkin Buddies.
3) Take paperwork to register dogs to local police station.
4) Take self to mall, to possibly walk around pretty people kid stores (Gymboree, etc)
5) Take self to salon for nails.
6) Take self and husband to Eagles concert.