I heard this on the way to work this morning. Luckily, you can read it online because it is DAMN FUNNY.
Please send your big sister an email 🙂
(Yes, I am too lazy to pick up the phone. What of it?)
Q: Work any better?
A: Yeah, but the temp is back.
Q: How are the dogs?
A: Shhh, they’re sleeping on the couch.
Q: So, did you get everything done on Saturday?
A: Yes! In fact, I did. I went to the bank and they were very helpful and quick and the jewerly store was helpful and quick (probably because they wanted my broke ass out of their $30,000 diamond earring store posthaste), I picked up a book at the library and sunscreen at CVS (for all the good it did me!) and I went for my Patty cure and it was awesome. Loved it and I ran around in sandals all weekend. If I get the laundry done so I can wear my khaki pseudo capris tomorrow, maybe I’ll wear them then as well. Well, it’s an idea.
Ever had it happen on a BOAT?
Despite getting very lost, we had a great time on our rented boat today. We picked it up about 10 AM and dropped it off about 4:45. (We had to have it back to them by 5). We were lost and in varying degrees of frantic from about 3 pm on. It was a lot of fun, but I don’t know about the whole boating thing for the 4th of July. Gene says the only reason he’s OK with it is because of the boat thing. He’s not into fireworks. For me, I’m into the fireworks but the boat aspect makes me nervous. (If you’ve been in a car driven by my husband, just imagine him as a boat driver. Seriously). Plus, we would have the boy with us, which would make me nervous. On the bright side, at least he’d be in a lifejacket. That would make him the luckiest of us. Ha ha. And we’d have the boat from 10 AM on 7/4 until who knows when on 7/5, so we could watch fireworks from The Lake.
Only one instance where my life flashed in front of my eyes. We were turning around and frankly, I think we listed a LOT more than I am comfortable with!
While boating, we discussed good music to boat by:
1) The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
2) Theme from the Poseidon Adventure
3) The Love Boat theme song
4) The Ninth Wave (half of Kate Bush’s album Hounds of Love, about a woman lost at sea)
Gene doesn’t remember the others, and I forgot to mention My Heart Will Go On. Duh, such a simple one.
Anyway, we’re home, safe and sound and at least a little red. I’m hoping some of it fades before work tomorrow. The Queen of Sunblock really could have been a lot more thorough. And don’t believe the hype about that Banana Boat spray on stuff, you still have to rub it in. Booo.
Slacked off for at least 12 million hours. Colored hair. Doesn’t look bad. Sooner or later went to bed. Woke up around 3 AM when Gene walked in the front door, setting off the alarm.
YEA! Gene is home, hooray!
and now it’s FRIIIIIIIIIIIDAY. wooohooo.
1) Go to bank
2) Go to jewelry store to drop off my engagement ring for appraisal. Luckily it’s a very legitimate jewelry store or else I’d be nervous about parting with my ring.
6) Wine store? (please, please, pleasepleaseplease)
8) Sunday, we’re renting a boat. It was my idea but it’s for Gene because he likes driving boats. For some reason he’s concerned about the money. Normally I’m the one who is concerned about money but today he is. I don’t know what that means. He’s been a little out of it since getting home from his trip, but I hope he snaps out of it when we’re cruising around the lake. I really want him to have a good time.
watching the last 15 of Lost in Translation. Like Love, Actually, Lost in Translation is another movie where I mostly like to watch the last few minutes. I never knew Tom Hanks was so good looking.
No, not Tom Hanks. Jim someone. Belushi? No, not Jim…Bill Murray. That’s it. We watched the start of Stripes the other night before Gene abandoned me and I just can’t believe that this is the same actor. I like how, in LiT, Sofia Coppola turns Scarlett Johannson’s character into, basically, a prettier version of herself. I understand that feeling – then it turns into a big self love fest. If only I looked like Princess Grace, yadda yadda; this was probably her feeling. Historically, I do the same thing when I write; my main characters are always women a little bit like me, but amplified. Thinner. Prettier. Smarter. Oh, and TALLER. (how did it happen that Bill got Dad’s height AND eye color and I merely scored digestive issues? Not fair).
I was supposed to get a Patty-cure today, but Patty is sick and probably in need of a cure herself. Darn. I was going to show her my expertly polished nails. Did it myself! ha ha. Still have all 10 fingers. But since she’s ill (Patty, I hope you’re just sick and that it’s not a problem with the doggie), there are a ton of other things to do instead.
1) Hey, didn’t I have a chore to do yesterday? Ugh, bathroom.
2) Hair color hair color hair color.
3) Watch Eagles DVD. It has been in my possession for over a week and it is still in the Amazon.com box. Geeez.
4) If an extra 10 hours mysteriously is added to the evening, I would love to go get a Sippable Sundae. Mmmm.
More later, maybe.
Anyway, work is going badly. Apparently my boss is bad mouthing me to the HR director (my old boss) and the controller. Initially, this really, really pissed me off, but as I made the drive to Barkin Buddies after work I realized that hopefully she was just going to them for advice on how to handle me. She is criticizing my work performance. I feel this is not fair of her, but one of her complaints is one that my previous boss made sometimes. Therefore, I will endeavor to not make that mistake. That way, if she’s bitchy again – and she most certainly will be! – it will be 100% obvious that it’s just her being bitchy and not my fault.
I also traded some emails with my old boss that shored me up a little (before I found out New Boss was talkin’ smack about me). I emailed both old boss and the controller to find out who authorizes an item I am running short on to do a part of my job that really isn’t payroll, but it’s fun and frankly, I do not have enough to do. Old boss used to authorize this, but I wasn’t sure if she still would – it is kind of an HR function – or if the authorization responsibility moved when I moved to account.
I live in some sick Dilbert world, you know?
Anyway, Old Boss said that she’d OK it but our controller was more than welcome to OK it instead. I emailed her back to thank her and tell her that this tip toeing crap was getting ridiculous (I don’t think I said crap, though) and that it was becoming more and more like the Olden Days of my company when everyone had their one little task and GOD HELP YOU if you volunteered to help another person. She responded that I should talk to the controller (my boss’s boss) if I’m feeling strongly enough about it.
And then D told me about new boss bad mouthing me. We were in our warehouse researching the stupid escheat list and she got up for a few minutes. I sat there and I thought about all the BS, all the tip toeing, did I mention all the BS? Anyway, and I realized: I’m out.
Well! Good news for D: Gene said I have to try to get a new job before fleeing the old one. And the temp agency that called me the other day is exactly that – temp stuff, and I don’t want temp stuff.
Technically, I don’t want to work at all, but let’s be honest: I need to stay employed for the medium haul. So, here I am, here I stay. And here I go, sending resumes! Ha ha.
Okay, this is contrary to everything I know (if I wasn’t afraid of Scary Scientologists bugging my house), but you have to check out this ‘blog. Funny funny funny!
1) Happy Father’s Day Daddy!
2) Anyway, Gene cleaned up the kitchen and did a very good job. He even got the cheese dip cement out of my nice Pyrex bowl. I told him it would be cheaper to just accidentally throw it away but he refused. Good man!
3) Not sure when he’s going to make last night’s Geek Attack up to me, but since he’s leaving tomorrow, it’d better be soon!
Off to fold more laundry…