Har-dee-HAR-HAR, Library…

(Warning: This particular post will probably end up being extremely offensive. I’m probably going to have to post pictures of puppies, rainbows and babies to make up for it)

You all know I’m an atheist, right?

So, every once in awhile I do a search on the Cheesecake City library’s website’s card catalog for topics that interest me. I end up with a stack of books that are interesting, without having to do much work. A few weeks ago, I did a search for fiction about Hollywood. I came up with a list of about a half dozen books. I’m down to the last 3. The first of them bored me senseless, the third book hasn’t been touched yet.

The SECOND book, however, was interesting from the start. Fiction about a regular woman who ends up with a big Hollywood star. I’m about halfway through it when I realize, “Fuck me, there’s a lot of religion in this fiction book about Hollywood, more than usual.” When I noticed it early on, I thought perhaps there’d be some interesting parables to the whole Scientology thing (ya know, crazy religion, not mainline stuff), and that’s what kept me reading.

So I am sitting here, reading and thinking, this is really a sucky book. Who published this monster?? I grab my trusty laptop and do a search for the publishing house.

Oh, fuck me, they tricked me into borrowing a religious book from the library. I just checked…this is totally a stealth religious novel. Here are the subjects for this book per the card catalog online:
Motion picture actors and actresses — Fiction.
Biography as a literary form — Fiction.
Married people — Fiction.
Biographers — Fiction.
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) — Fiction.

I ask you – anything about religion in the above subjects?

It’s like when you’re cruising down the highway, bopping along to some song on the radio and it turns it’s a stealth religious song. Or the time our culinarian had us taste test desserts, and we all thought it tasted a little weird, only to find out it was Atkins cheesecake and chocolate cake.

BTW, Gene thinks this is hysterical. I told him all of this and he keeps telling me that I got “snaked by the Christians”.

Food, mediocre Food…

Gene’s out of town starting Monday, so I think Chef Lainey will probably live on Taco Bell and frozen food for awhile. (Ooh, triple coupons at the grocery through tomorrow…yippee!).

But anyway: Tonight we’re eating out with our friends the Atheists. Last night was curry. It was delicious but I think the coconut milk was old, so I’m going to buy newer coconut milk and try again. (Now I know why I’m obsessed with expiration dates!). Thursday was the pasta bake. And I think I have already bored you to tears with the rest this week’s dinners.

I never knew how much time it takes to cook. On top of that, the drive home from work is taking more time and I’m supposed to make up 7.5 hours from PT appointments. Plus, Monday I have to meet with our insurance salesman. I really think I may call and ask to postpone until Gene gets home. And every day next week (except Monday) I have to do the doggie daycare run, which will totally suck as school is in session and the traffic is maddening. I am considering cancelling PT next week so I won’t add to my time to make up log. UGH.

I think we’re close to being finished with all the legal BS from the accident. It’s not going to make us millionaires – maybe it’ll help the lawyer buy a new Mercedes*, but that’s just how it goes, right? – but I think it’ll help us pay down a little debt after the medical bills are done. I still can’t tell you, blogsphere, how much I wish the accident had just never happened, though. Ignorance is bliss. Things could have been much, much worse – I think back to those awful seconds before I knew for certain that Gene and the boy were alive – so I know we’re so fortunate, but this is all just something I would have been pleased to have skipped.

And now, dinner at Sullivan’s. And you know what that means! Cocktails!

* a toy Mercedes, at that.

New thing to disgust Gene…

We’re sitting here eating pretzels leftover from last weekend’s sleepover. Gene threw one to Booper to see if she’d eat it. (DUH, of course she did). I put one in front of Scoob and he wasn’t interested. So, as any good Mommy does, I took a piece of the pretzel and offered it to him. No takers. Then I took another small piece (about a 1/2 inch) and…errr…softened it and fed it to him as a mommy bird would feed a baby bird. (Well, I didn’t barf it up, but you get the picture).

THAT was a big hit with the hubby.


and all apologies to my nail tech, I think I’m going to be relieved once I’m no longer getting manicures. My nail tech has taken a job out in the business world (and good for her!!!) and is working only Saturdays at the salon through the end of the year. Today was my first Saturday manicure. I didn’t get anything constructive at all done before my appointment at noon today and now my nails are done so I can’t do anything constructive. (My personal rule of thumb is to give it 24 or so hours before cleaning a toilet, doing dishes, etc).

I know it sounds stupid – “oh, I can’t ruin my naaaaaaaails!!!”. When my nail tech told me she was leaving the salon, I was disappointed. And then I was glad. Then I was concerned – they say that depressed people lose interest in things that they love, and what if this was that? (This is not to say I’m depressed, MOM…)

Oh, never mind.


I haven’t forgotten about you, dear little blog. I’ve just been busy. We didn’t get home until 7 or so on Sunday and then I had so much stuff to do. Laundry, mostly. Then Monday, work (fun fun), traffic (lately my commute has taken an extra 15 minutes, so I don’t get home before dark) and then the grocery store and more laundry.

I’m still cooking frequently(ish). Sunday was DiGiorno pasta, Monday was london broil sammiches (the meat was from the deli counter), yesterday was take out Chinese (D and her son and husband were coming over for a mentor session and I wasn’t sure how late it would go) and tonight was cube steak with homemade mashed potatoes. This was my maiden voyage on the potato boat and I’m not thrilled with how they turned out. They seemed watery. Maybe next time I should use half and half or something else in place of the organic fat free milk?

Tomorrow’s menu is curry (if I can find the rest of the ingredients tomorrow) and Friday is either sushi out or pasta bake. (Yes, I’d rather eat my own face than pasta, but the recipe is interesting).

The dog is begging for attention, so I’ll have to wrap this up.

5 Hours to Go!

Yesterday was a good day:
-Dogs to groomers
-Gene to hair salon
-Humans to big silly mall for go-carts, laser tag, sweater shopping and stroller stalking (guess which of those 4 activities *I* engaged in!)
-Picked up dogs at groomers (they close at 3 and we were there at 2:50…stupid traffic)
-Went to the grocery store (o/” All by MYYYYYSEEEEEEEELLLLLF! o/”) to buy stuff to make last night’s dinner. Couldn’t take all the all by myself-iness, so I called my best friend to ask her deep philosophical questions such as “How does being pregnant feel?” and “How in the hell do you make a roast??”
-Made dinner (chuck roast using Bag n’ Season, red potatoes that didn’t really work out, broccoli)
-Cleaned up, collapsed on couch.
-Total Alcohol Content: 1 glass sub-par wine while cooking. (Water while eating).

-Made muffins (from a mix)
-Going to drop off the boys in a couple of hours.

Two Dreams…

I had two dreams last night, and they are both very, very fucked up.

In the first one, I was pregnant (I love pregnant dreams because when I wake up afterwards in a cold sweat, there’s that moment of “When the hell did THAT happen??”). And I was around 12 weeks into it (coincidentally about as far as my friend’s pregnancy) so I decided to get an ultrasound, or hear the heartbeat or something. So I went to some weird doctor’s office where the nurse was trying to act like the doctor and I was very uncomfortable about the whole thing because you’re a NURSE(!!) and I don’t want to get naked in front of a nurse. The doctor-wanna-be also kept trotting a little girl in the room. WTF? I woke up and thought, I am so glad the baby has qualified medical professionals.

Wait, dummy…you’re not pregnant. Oh, yeah!

In the second one, I was apparently not pregnant, but I was at someone’s house. (I know whose house but I have never ever been to her house or even met her in real life, but I knew for certain where I was!). Her little brother was playing some sort of RPG and for some reason I decided to help my friend by carrying a number of crystal glasses (including my own toasting flutes from my wedding). Of course, I wanted to carry more than I reasonably could, so I had all these glasses in my arms and I was walking very slowly. The friend’s mom was waiting for them, and she helped me put them all down. She kept taking glasses from my arms, and sometimes even little knickknacks (ceramic elephants, etc).


Sorry, been busy…

staring at the picture of that Red Sox guy, who I have now learned is named Theo Epstein and, I think I read is originally from somewhere in Massachusetts. So you know what that means! He probably has one of those sexy Rob-from-Survivor accents!

Except I never, ever thought Rob-from-Survivor (the one who married Am-BUH from Survivor!) had a sexy accent.

I think it’s time to get a hobby.