The Yin and the Yang


Remember the test I took last week?

Failed it! I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for September 12 to discuss healthier living. I am so tempted to just cancel the whole thing and demand a retest after I’ve lost more weight. So I have been so good the last week – all that water (today: approxmiately 95 oz plus some yummy Light Lemonade that is practically just water) plus eating a little healthier and walking the dogs every day (well, not today: Ernesto is here so it’s raining)

So, then, why do I have a slightly burning desire to bake a pan of brownies?

(Did I mention I haven’t had a scrap of chocolate since Monday?).

I take that back: I know WHY I want the brownies. Mmmm.


I apologize for not having written anything lately. Honestly, I’ve been really busy but not doing anything I want to admit to the world at large.

Oh, hell….

1) Drinking a freaking ton of water every day. I think today was 100 oz. Holy Moly. One of the (few) things I like about my employer is the free Aquafina. I think today I drank 5. Even if it was just 4, it was still a lot of agua!

2) Walking the dogs after work. Thursday or Friday of last week, I got the bright idea to walk one of the dogs. Saturday, Scooby and I took a very long walk (well it was long to me! and it’s still pretty warm in Cheesecake City). I can’t walk both dogs at once. I think Gene is even going to accompany me a little.

3) Obsessive Plan B planning n’ thinking. I have figured out what was making me so nutty after having the IUD removed: the whole Plan B thing has been at least partially theoretical. I call the whole thing Plan B because I can’t call it WE WILL SOMEDAY HAVE A BABY because part of me believes WE NEVER WILL. The IUD removal makes it so real to me and gives me one of my favorite things: a deadline. Now that I have a deadline, I can actually plan instead of spinning my wheels.

And that’s enough for now. Right now, I’m waiting for Gene to stop dragging me into the Poorhouse thanks to iTunes (which has approximately 1,000 versions of Tears for Fears’ song ‘Mad World’) so I can download the stuff that I want.

Email note

BTW, I finally got with the program and got a gmail account. If there’s an email me link somewhere on here you can probably get it, but if there’s not, it’s probably easy to remember:

It’s the AOL email address every single one of you emailed me at for ten plus years

And with that out of the way – GMailers, am I the only one getting a ton of spam that turns out to be email bouncebacks for emails I didn’t send? Any advice?


Enough about babies.

(ooh, wait, no. Did I tell you? My SIL had Baby #2 this week. Hank was born on Tuesday and weighed in at around 5 lbs and will hopefully go home in a few days).

Anyway. So I opened up the blog to search engines a few weeks ago. And now I get to take part in the time honored tradition of “What the hell did you search for to get here?”

My favorites:

elaine giant boobs – hahahahaha. I told Gene about this one. He said “yep, that’s you”. Someone also got here by searching “Cheesecake boobs”.

are short rib bones ok to give to dogs – Absolutely! They are probably more for big dogs, though.

elaine`s crush – WTF? I’m not telling!

Deadly Poison recipes – Get. Out. Of. The. Kitchen.


I am so fucking relieved tomorrow is Friday. And it’s the second best kind of Friday: BFF (Boss-Free Friday), at least for the afternoon. I will take it. This is a payroll week so it has been crazy. Plus, a dozen restaurant managers showed up today for a meeting.

I know this is a broken record: This weekend was supposed to be a weekend with the boy, but he has elected to stay home to go to a church event. I’m disappointed but Gene seems OK with it…on the outside. The inside is a mystery. We’re going to get him Labor Day weekend.

Hey, I NEED that…

Annual Ob/gyn appointment was yesterday. It was my first time meeting Dr. P. He encourages his patients to get glucose resistance testing. Dr. P is the third ob/gyn I’ve visited and the first one to suggest this. Has anyone else been hit up for this? Frankly, I think it’s the same thing as when dentists try to con you into getting your teeth whitened.

So, silly me, I agree to come back today to take the test. Fasting. Hooray! Looove not getting to eat then being forced to shotgun 10 oz. of foul medicinal Sunkist. The LabCorp chick was initially just as friendly as the last time I got the LabCorp experience (remember the drug test a year or two ago?) but after I drank the medicinal SunKist and everyone else left the waiting room she ended up talking to me about Hurricane Katrina, pronouncing “levies” as “leaves.” She also dropped an F bomb, which is something I don’t typically do at work. Yeaa, then more blood. As soon as she said it would be an hour in between bloodlettings, I realized, “hey, I’ve heard about this one!” (the upside to all this obsessive compulsive research). I’m interested to hear the results, since I’m so heavy.

Oh, hey…also at the ob/gyn’s yesterday…they took out my beloved ParaGuard IUD. I told Dr. P that I was going to be back in March to have him remove it, but while doing his thing yesterday, he said “Hey, it’s already out a little” (about a millimeter) “so I’m just going to remove it. You may feel a little cramp.”

Yessirree, I did indeedy.

I am now a timebomb of possible fertility. Holy Fucking SonofaBitch Shit. I am in several dozen layers of shock. And NO we are not going to start trying anything soon (please just trust me on this). Barring a medical surprise, watch this space next year. (Assuming I have detached from the ceiling by then. I am seriously freaked out).

Last weekend, it was a very good weekend…

And it began mostly on Thursday. Gene’s birthday. He thought he was turning 36. It’s a good thing I’m mostly in charge of math here. He’s now 37. So we go to his favorite restaurant for dinner. They were having a chef’s tasting with wine. Delicious!

The menu was:

1) A lovely white wine, paired with tomato consomme and melon consomme and a fried tomato. Mmm! I loved the wine but disliked the tomato consomme (the chef had done something to make the soup nearly clear). The melon consomme got two thumbs up, though. (Did I mention that both consommes were served in glasses? martini glass for the tomato and short wineglass for the melon).

2) The raw course. Raw salmon en croute, another fish in seaweed and…oh, GOD. Steak tartare. YES. Would I make this up??? A small meatball-sized piece of raw beef, with an eggshell containing the yellow part of an egg on top. I KNOW! I would not have eaten it if I didn’t have so much faith in Gene (for picking the restaurant and for going first, ha ha) and the chef, who is very very gourmet and would not just serve me day old hamburger. It was really good. You mix the egg in with the beef (hey, bake it for a little and you get meatloaf!)

3) Quail. Very good. Shrug.

4) Pork. Yummm.

5) Dessert: three strawberry wontons (each smaller than my thumb) and an apple crepe. The booze with this course was champagne with a little grenadine. Tasty!

All of the booze made it a little hard to function at work Friday. I only had a half day but I still had to eat something to make it to 1. But I did – whee! Gene had a doctor’s appointment at 2, so I let him take the car once I got home and I babysat…dum-de-dum-dummmmm…. the two guys installing our awesome master bedroom closet. Whee!

(Now listen…I wasn’t totally on board on this whole closet thing and was only going for it because it’s the only, only, only way I will ever get a king sized bed and maybe a decent night’s rest – my point is, mea frigging culpa. The closet is…is “bomb ass” a good thing or bad? It’s a bomb-ass closet.)


Hi hi. My name is LaineyD and I am easily overwhelmed. Five minutes ago I was trying to

1) Do laundry

2) Write grocery list (what the hell do I do with the chicken I bought???) *

3) Read a blog..okay, two blogs

4) Continue grocery store website comparisons (I shop at between 1 and 3 different stores, which is a bad idea for the most part)

5) Figure out tonight’s winner of a dinner (actually, will probably be pizza due to coupons in the paper today)

6) Continue unpacking and organizing house, which, due to new closet in master bedroom, now looks like several bombs went off simultaneously in three different rooms of my house

So, here’s what I did to try and take some of this away:

1) Laundry is dry. Move from dryer to basket and from washer to dryer. Start new load (well, I haven’t done this part yet because I decided to write this post first…it’s therapy).

2) Must feed self and husband.

3) Do not need to go grocery shop today. It can wait until tomorrow or later tonight. I wish I had my shit together enough to shop on Fridays.

4) Stop reading blogs NOW you lazy cow.

I feel a lot better now. Don’t you?

* ooh, I wonder if I can use the chicken instead of ground beef to get rid of my final box of hamburger helper?