Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses is on Sirius.
And it begins again.
Actually, while I’m thinking of it…
“Elaine’s List of Highly Acceptable Xmas Songs”
1) Fairytale of New York – but only the original by The Pogues feat. the Late, Great Kirsty MacColl.
2) Please Come Home for Christmas– preferably the Eagles version, but the original is also very good. I’ve heard a version by Jon Bon Jovi and it wasn’t too bad.
3) Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – either the Darlene Love original or U2. I’m actually looking forward to hearing this one on the Muzak at the office after everyone’s gone so I can sing along.
4) Marshmallow World – Dean Martin. My grandma’s favorite singer and a song that’s fun to sing along with.
5) The Man w/ the Bag – I have no idea who sings this, but again, it’s a fun song.
6) Santa Baby – Madonna. The original is pretty good, too.
7) Happy Xmas (War is Over) – John Lennon w/ Plastic Ono Band. Yeah, it would be nice. I like the part in the chorus where they sing “War is over, if you want it.” They don’t play that on the Muzak anymore.
8) Christmas at Ground Zero – Weird Al Yankovic. Probably a lot funnier before the end of the Cold War (and before 9/11), but I still enjoy it.
9) 2000 Miles – The Pretenders. Such a pretty song.
10) I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day – Elvis Costello. (This link isn’t to the lyrics, per se, but to an article detailing just how workers go nucking futs listening to this crap all day). Edited – turns out this song is by a band called Wizzard. I’ve removed the link to the article about retail employees hating Xmas music and replaced it with a video of Wizzard performing the song. Creepiest damned thing I’ve seen in a long time. I think the second “Z” in “Wizzard” stands for “Zoiks, these guys are creepy as fuck!” Watch with caution before dark. BTW, I’m still certain that Elvis Costello has covered this, I just can’t find proof.
11) Carol of the Bells – ? – So dramatic. Hmm, there are lyrics. I like it better when the lyrics are “doo-doo-dee-doo, doo-doo-dee-doo (etc, etc)”.
12) White Christmas – Darlene Love’s version only. Bing Crosby can just deal with it. For years, the part of the song where she sings, “It is December twenty-fourth and I am longing to be up north” absolutely undid me every. single. time. (Phil Spector is a murderer, but one hell of a producer)
And now, the Flip Side
“Elaine’s List of Completely Unacceptable Xmas Songs”
1) Christmas in Dixie – baaaaaarf. Then again, I know southerners who have lived in the north who have the same reaction to this that I have to White Christmas.
2) Hey Santa – Wendy and Carnie Wilson. Such a very stupid song.
3) Santa That’s My Only Wish This Year – Britney Spears.
4) Let it Snow – Gloria Fucking Estefan
5) Sleigh Ride – Debbie Gibson
6) A Very Special Christmas – Any version. They all suck.
7) That Celine Dion song that sounds like “Wikki Wikki Wikki Winter Snow” – What the hell is that?? (ETA: it’s actually called “Christmas Eve”, and she’s singing “Walking with you in the winter snow”)
8.) Do They Know it’s Christmas – Band-Aid. Racist tripe. I’ve already discussed.