OK, I think I have figured out part of what is pissing me off. Besides the meatloaf (grrrr).
One of the managers at my company has just fathered a child with one of the waitresses. He’s got kids from other relationships, she’s got a kid or so herself. And now – da dum! – they are no longer ‘together’. (I only know all of this because she needed pay data for Medicaid).
DAMMIT. How the fuck do people in willy nilly relationships get to pop babies out the way I pop pieces of bubble gum but I am supposed to wait for the sun, the moon, the stars and my big toe to align??
I am tired of waiting. I am going to turn 29 (again) in less than two months. I will have been married 5 farking years in July. I even have decent health insurance, so that would mean that tax payers would most likely not get stuck footing the bill for Plan B.
I’m all for waiting for a good time for this, but, fucking A, my most fertile years are BEHIND ME. By the time Mom was my age, she was pregnant with Round Two (Macauley/Bill). By the time my Grandma was my age, she was somewhere between baby #3 and baby #4.
I have waited to pay off the car….I have waited to pay off the credit cards….I am waiting for the second mortage/home equity loan to be paid off and my 401k loan to be paid off (why didn’t I take Gene up on his offer to write a check for the freaking balance last year??). And I AM TIRED of waiting. This is all freaking ridiculous.
It is time, it is time, it is time. (I almost used the F word in that last sentence, but I think it would have been a little too accurate, yeah?)