Another ::footstomp:: moment

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I wanna pedicure….wahh. My pedi from Detroit is finally going the way of the dinosaur. Gene’s due for a pedicure too

(wait, I didn’t tell you that Gene got a pedicure a month or two ago?)

(No, he didn’t get nail polish…!)

The boy comes to town on 7/15 for a month, so we have to get it done before that. Maybe I can get appointments for us Monday or Tuesday. My mom is coming to town Wednesday-Saturday (and I’m almost 100% sure that she would not be up for group pedicures) and then the next Sunday the boy gets here (and I’m 1000% sure that HE is not up for group pedis).

So, yeah, this is a quintessentially “Only you, Elaine!” complaint: I want a pedicure but Gene wants one too and no one has available appointments for us today and we have stuff going on the next two weekends but if we don’t do it soon we have to wait (Wait? OMG!) until August.

I always feel better writing this stuff out but I also feel a little very stupid actually hitting the publish button. So, instead, I’ll throw some other stuff in the post to outweigh the princessy complaints.

1) Something called Veggie Booty has been recalled. I think we bought Pirate’s Booty a year or two ago but I didn’t have any of it. Regardless, if you have Veggie Booty (as opposed to Peanut Butter Cup Booty, which is my affliction), throw it out. And feed your kids some damned Cheetos – if it’s good enough for Britney’s kids, it’s good enough for yours.

2) According to…some link I clicked this blog is rated PG because I used the word “fucking” one time. What I want to know is, what post did they find where I used “fucking” only once?

3) My little brother and his wife are on the road to being a homeowner. (No, Hom-OWNER, Geez, get your minds out of the gutter). Macauley/Bill is a grown up and I just have to get used to that. Their house is in Mom and Dad’s neighborhood. (Ha ha, SUCKERS).



Navel Gazing…

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My feet are SO warm. Mmm!

Food doesn’t taste right. So far, oreo cookies, the Keebler elf cookies and Pringles (wah!) all do not taste right. And I intentionally tried to drink a regular Pepsi earlier in this week and I couldn’t drink it. (And no, Captains Smartypants, I’m NOT). Maybe this is a good thing…time to seriously kick some of my junk food favorites.

(OTOH, I’m still considering leaving the house to go in search of a Cherry Pepsi and perhaps Hostess Cupcakes. Yum).



LaineyD, worst wife ever…

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I haven’t had a really decent meal since Gene got his surgery 23 days ago (not that I’m counting, of course), but I finally had one today. I had SlimFast bars for breakfast and lunch today.

And salad, prime rib, broccoli and (sshhh) cheesecake for dinner.

OMG. So delicious!

Macauley/Bill told me I was a bitch for eating it in front of Gene, but so far I’ve only eaten the salad and broccoli in front of him. I ate the PR in the kitchen and the cheesecake (is rich!) is in the fridge waiting for later.

Yum!


Color my world…

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(Or at least, my master bedroom)

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I need to repaint my bedroom. When we moved into our house, I debated about yellow or (and I don’t remember what posessed me) purple and for some reason I ended up choosing an awesome celery green. I love love looove my bedroom color and were it not for these circumstances, hell would freeze over and I’d be reincarnated as Martha Stewart before repainting. (Gene says we need to repaint the room and he wants a different color).

Right now, our bedroom has the following furniture:

1) King sized bed

2) Two tacky plastic nightstands

3) Giganto TV (attached to wall)

(Unless you want to count the laundry hamper, that is seriously it. One of these days we’re going to buy a real bed again and maybe even some nightstands (gollllly!) but I don’t even want to think about that for awhile. )

Our linens are cream colored and the quilt is a really cute buttery yellow.

I do not want the following colors:

1) Yellow (shows dirt too easily?)

2) Blue (sooo bored w/ blue, sorry D!)

3) Pink (Duuuuuuh)

4) Red (the room is too small to work well as a red room)

Hmm. That does it. I want my green room.(Footstomp) (Dammit!)



Thoughts on Fathers Day 2007

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Hmmm, what was the name of that really fat President who they had to build an extra huge casket for?

(She uses him like a weapon)

I think it was Grover Cleveland.

(She can no longer hurt him herself but she has one last gun in her arsenal)

Hmm, I wonder if he was named for the city he’s from or if the city was named for him.

(She’s pointing it at both of us now)

If he was named for the city, just call me Lainey Indianapolis.

(Ten years into this and now we’re here?)

Maybe there was a tribe of Indians named Cleveland, like the Sioux or Cherokee.

(This crossroad is killing him)

Ha ha, the Cleveland Indians. Wasn’t that a baseball team?

(I moved here for him and now what?)

I know someone who would know, but I don’t like baseball.

(How could someone use a child this way?)

America’s Pasttime, my ass.

(Doing nothing could mean losing him and doing something could break us)

America’s Pasttime is now the PS3 or Nintendo Wii.

(And what of Plan B?)

I love the dogs. Maybe we should get a third.

(I just don’t think it will happen and I am dying inside)

Will three dogs make us the “Crazy Family With Three Dogs” on the block?

(“Two adults and a REDACTED little REDACTEDhead” is not a family)

We barely have trick or treaters already

(We were so fucking close).

I suppose in a year, maybe two,

(Maybe six)

We’ll all sit and laugh about “The time Elaine thought she’d never have a child”

(What do I do?)

(What do I do?)

(What do I do?)



Stuck up Beeeyotch, Aisle 5

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So I have been such a gigantic PITA today. New Boss and I were discussing one of our company’s locations, which is experiencing a hiring boom due to the high tourist season. Typically, these positions are filled by foreign students visiting the US on J-1 Visas (apparently bussing tables is an educational experience. Who knew?). Every (freaking) year, New Boss marvels at “The Russians” (as she calls them – for the record, most of them are from other Eastern European nations), how they don’t have to have FICA deducted from their paychecks, how they get all their Federal tax returned, etc. Anyway, discussion turns to (as always) “What would Outback do?” and then “I wonder how Walt Disney World handles this.” I started to say that it seemed like every name tag I saw at WDW back in 2002 listed a city outside the US as the Cast Member’s home city, but New Boss swears that WDW only hires Floridians.

Whaaat? (Or, more precisely, Quuuue? Quoooooi?) Is this true? I recall one of my sorority sisters working for WDW over summer break, but that was nearly 10 years ago. I did a little searching on the Disney careers site and it appears that she’s mostly full of it. The site listed the WDW Careers line and I am sorely tempted to call (“Is it true you only hire Floridians?”), but that would just be petty.

Yes, indeedy. Better to just make fun of her on the Internet.

(Also for the record, this is after she passive-agressively called me out for thinking no one can do anything right, which, at my employer’s, is practically a freaking given! I mean, year after year after year we’ve recommended this one particular location contract with a temp agency to get their J-1 employees and *I* am the meanie for suggesting the managers have their heads firmly up their asses?)

Anyway, if I have been a stuck up beeeeyotch to anyone reading this blog, I totally apologize. I am having a time of it – apparently Gene’s liquid diet has reignited a love in me for peanut butter cups and full calorie soda. On the bright side, Gene can now wear his wedding band again. He’s had to go into the office every day this week (ending tomorrow, hooray!) and he looks totally adorable all dressed up and wearing his ring. Yipppee!