So I Married A Dumbass…

So! Finally something half interesting to talk about on the blog.

Gene, the boy and I were watching My Super Ex-Girlfriend last night. I am still very very tired so I fell asleep in my living room chair (mmm, could do that now). The movie was kinda bleh anyway. After the movie I woke up and we all went to bed. This morning, Gene keeps picking up tiny balled up post it notes and telling me to throw them away.

It took me awhile, but I figured it out.

Gene (who I have called – jokingly – every name I could think of) was balling up the post its and trying to get one to land in my mouth. (Yeah, I was snoring. Poor guy).

Dumbass. I told him he owes me BIG.


I am freaking ex-HAU-sted. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since before Gene left on his trip last week. (How the hell did I manage to not sleep in while Gene was gone and I was out of work???)

Our microwave died over the weekend. We were the dorks running into the electronics store at 8:47 pm Saturday night. The new model is delivered tomorrow. I didn’t realize how difficult it was to live without a microwave. Frozen veggies? no! Microwave pizza? No! Yummy oatmeal? no! Aggh. Do microwaves typically only last 7 years now? (On the other hand, we did decide that when the washer/dryer conk out, we are totally going front loading like Gene’s brother’s…so cool).

Anyway, nothing new under the sun around here. (Duh).

Kids R Expensive…

Holy Moly.

I’ve read about this “summer vacation = torture the parents” theory before on other Mommy blogs, how you can be in the middle of doing one fantastically awesome thing and the kid says “What fun thing are we doing next?” We had nearly 4 hours to kill at the museum before Harry Potter (too late for the noon showing, waaay too early for the 3:45) and I finally told the boy we were going to buy drinks and sit down for a little while (which worked for almost 20 entire minutes).

Tonight, I finally called UNCLE and told the boy that we were going to have some no TV time until 11:30, when the Scrubs re-runs on WGN come on. He is a devotee to all things Zach Braff and loves the show. We’ve spent downtime lately watching Season One of Scrubs on DVD (our Xmas gift from my brother in law and his wife). I think if you handed me a banjo I could probably play the opening theme song (“I’m No Superman”).

Arrrgh. Tomorrow is the last day of Elaine the Cruise Director. We’re going to the theme park finally (yea!). Gene returns tomorrow evening so I’m handing in my Captain’s hat. Ideally I’d like it if the boys went to the mall again this weekend and played some video games – the father and son that play together stay together maybe. And, also ideally I would be so freaking happy if they’d do this without taking me along.

Anyway, the fur kids are begging for attention…

Can an atheist be a saint?

Oh yes I think so. And if not, I make one bomb-ass cruise director.

I am simultaneously trying to kick my caffeine habit while keeping the boy entertained until his father returns on Thursday. So, no chocolate no soda (not even diet, SOB) but plus a boy who doesn’t seem thrilled to be here. I am glad to have him here. I hope this week will show him how devoted I am to him. Tomorrow we have a doctor appointment and then we are off to the theme park, weather permitting. If the weather is not permitting, I’m not sure what Plan B (ha ha, not the usual Plan B) is going to be. The local IMAX theater is showing Harry Potter, I wonder if the boy would enjoy that.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue…

(Grr. I don’t sniff glue, people. It’s a QUOTE.)

Anyway, so Gene is on his business trip and I’m home alone with the Boy. I’m trying to give up my preferred poisons of chocolate and caffeinated soda. I have a headache of epic proportions.

The boy wants to go hooooome. Wantsta go home. I have heard multiple verses of the “Wantsta Go Home” song. I finally told him we would discuss it tomorrow with his dad. We have a 2 pm appointment tomorrow to go to and after that, we’ll discuss it. I hope to buy some time with the promise of a trip to the theme park Wednesday. If we can just make it until Gene gets home, then it’s his problem again maybe the healing can begin.

I didn’t ask for this. I can’t get into details due to the very real possibility that The Boy’s mom’s attorney has found the blog, but trust me when I tell you that the haircoloring I booked for late August (first open appointment, yea!) is only the tip of the iceberg. Someone OWES me huge time. Anyone who says that marriage isn’t about who owes whom is totally full of crap and has never spent an evening taking care of a child who isn’t even yours and end up with a child who just wants to go hoooome.

Even though he doesn’t read the blog…

Happy Fifth Anniversary, babe!

If an engaged person were to ever ask me for wedding advice, I would tell them:

1) Only buy ONE wedding dress. And buy it as close to your wedding day as possible. I suggest no more than 6 months ahead of time. (I had 3 dresses, 1 wedding. Oh well).

2) One venue for both wedding ceremony and reception is really a good plan, especially if you’re a godless heathen, or alternatively, don’t mind having a cake and punch reception in the church basement (or whatever).

3) Hold your wedding on a minor holiday. We had the choice of a wedding on July 14 or July 21. I originally wanted July 21 because (as always, I am not making this up) it looked better on invitations. (Yes, really). But now I am glad we chose July 14 as it is Bastille Day and who forgets what day Bastille Day is??

4) Marry Gene. If Gene is married (which he is) or if you are a heterosexual male, marry someone as Gene-like as possible. You will spend an absolute minimum amount of time at sporting events and the food is better. (Hee hee).

oh, hellooo

Forgot all about the blog, I did…

I have been very very busy. Mostly busy eating and paying co-pays to various members of the medical field (chiropractor, general practitioner, not 1 but 2 talk therapists). Gene is sick with pleurisy. Big fun, pleurisy. I talked him into seeing the doctor on Wednesday, so at least he’s being dosed with the good cough syrup and two pills I can’t recall. And, the begging me to shoot him thing died down pretty quickly. He reminded me he did not once request I shoot him after his surgery. He’s right. I’m impressed.

Yesterday was my last day of work until next Friday. Gene has a business trip and the boy will be here so we’re going to spend time together. I’m not sure how I plan to amuse us for that long, but you’d better believe it’ll include Mexican food and possibly roller coasters (not on the same day, of course). (A tip on how to tell Elaine isn’t pregnant yet – planning a trip to the theme park. I figure this is my Last! Chance! to Ever! Have! Fun! so I’m taking advantage).

I am still eating a fuck of a lot of food. Yesterday: Slim Fast bar, cheese (started off pretty good), frozen pizza (individual size), GIANT rice krispie treat, Nutty Bars (2), Turkey, Slim a Bear ice cream bar, Blue Bunny ice cream sandwich. Every time I meet someone who has lost weight I thank them for sending it straight to me.

It turns out that D and I weigh the same (plus or minus 5 lbs). She is seven or eight feet taller than I am so it works better on her frame. The funny thing is that at work people are totally fooled. They totally don’t get that I have GAINED (!!!) weight.

I was to be retested for prediabetes later this month. I have rescheduled that for late August, after the boy returns to his Mom’s house. I hung up the phone from rescheduling the appointment and said to myself, “Self, you are no longer a carb eater again.”

And then bought Nutty Bars. Dammit.