Hooray! My employer’s W-2 forms are in the mail, in the FedEx, or otherwise distributed. All 4000+ of them. YESSSS.

That said, here are some of the annoying things about this time of year:

1) They are called W-2s, NOT W-4, not tax returns. Duuuuuubbbbbya-Twwwwwoooooos.

2) If you are a 30 year old man, do not make your mother call me about your address change.

3) Did I tell you I have already spoken to a woman whose husband (an ex employee) has an address change for his W-2 but cannot call because he is in jail?

4) Yes, you have to call every employer you had in 2007 with your address change. No, I will not call them for you. No, I am not a W-2 clearing house for the Southeast. (Seriously – every year someone asks if I also do W-2s for Sonic Drive In, Dominos Pizza, etc).

5) So yeah, your W-2 should have been sent with your paycheck to the restaurant you work at. It didn’t. Terribly sorry. 4000+ W-2s, one (1) me. Seriously – if you bitch at me, next year I’ll just mail all the W-2s out instead of kindly FedExing 2000 of them.

6) If I tell you your W-2 is being mailed out, don’t ask “So when should I have it?” Did you call the fucking Post Office? No. All I can tell you is, call me if you don’t have it by Valentine’s Day.

Yeagggh, and that’s the hard sell again this year. Let’s say you call and say, “Elaine, I want to know where my W-2 was mailed to” and it turns out the address is old. I get it – you’re an itinerant with 7 different addresses and 18 different jobs in ’07. My answer is, “Give me your new address and when the original is returned, we’ll forward it. If we don’t get your original back by Valentine’s Day, we’ll send out a reference copy.” (A reference copy is a copy of our copy of your W-2, which is from a file I don’t even print off until the first week of February).

Plenty of people HATE this answer. Some get sassy about calling the IRS and tattling. Here is the IRS’s response (from their website):

If you do not receive the missing or corrected form by February 15th from your employer/payer, you may call the IRS at 1-800-829-1040 for assistance. You must provide your name, address (including zip code), phone number, Social Security Number, dates of employment, your employer/payer’s name, address (including zip code), and phone number. The IRS will contact the employer/payer for you and request the missing form. IRS will also send you a Form 4852 (PDF), Substitute for Form W-2 or Form 1099-R.

What does that mean? That means that the IRS will not give a crap – not in the slightest! – until February 15. The days between now and the 15th are called the “Whiny Crybaby Cooling Off Period.” Basically, I SENT IT OUT. My duty? DONE.

All the IRS cares about is that the W-2s are distributed or postmarked by 1/31.  I keep a list of all my address changes – including the 100+ former employees who called me as recently as Friday AM with address changes – and if a W-2 comes back, I send it back out if I have a new address. If I don’t receive the original back in the mail, they get the copy mailed out by 2/14.

Finally, a word to my itinerants: For the love of Pete, PLEASE get your mail forwarded. Don’t you like getting mail??