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Stupid certification.

I don’t know when I’m going to take my Super Hard Payroll Exam yet. I (through the subterfuge-iest of subterfurges) figured out that the exam center in Cheesecake City’s last test date is October 6. I need to get that nailed down ASAP, but first I need to apply for the test. And then I need to somehow get a company credit card to pay for the exam (which is, at $360, at least $360 more than I am willing to personally spend). And then I need to pass a “pre-test” or they won’t let me take the test.

But first I need to study for the exam, which I have only barely started to do in earnest. I spent an hour studying yesterday and an hour or so today, not counting when I passed out while trying to read a chapter about health insurance. It all reminds me why I’m glad I did the college thing when I was fresh out of high school because other wise I wouldn’t have made it.

I hate this stupid test.
I hate studying for it.

I hate that they cancelled my study group so now I’m left pursuing the crumbs of whatever help I can amass.

I hate that it is important to my career in Big Payroll.

I hate that I had to create a fake person to even see the testing schedule because apparently I registered for an ID for the testing company’s website, but I no longer know my username or password and it was apparently vitally important that I know all of this at 11 o’clock at night. (Let’s chalk this up to an “Elaine as I Love Lucy” moment, like the time I tried to fish mail out of the mailbox at work due to being an idiot).

I hate that I’m not disciplined enough to study for this test for real, that I keep ¬†getting distracted by bright and shiny objects like dinner, cleaning up after dinner, watching an episode of Mad Men (on Netflix), etc. I knew some girls in college who went to a full time group of classes, were in a sorority and also on a ton of committees. I envied them, I wanted to be like them, but I am not like them. I’m the girl who (still) says “OMG, Target AND the grocery store? And vacuuming the living room too? In a single weekend? Ugh, better rest up…”

I so need to get my act together. The sooner this all happens the better, but not quite yet. I need at least another couple weeks for studying and cramming and going over the material some more. I know some of this just because I’ve ‘done’ payroll for the last decade, but there is so much! Augh.

And it does. not. help. that I keep getting mixed messages from a coworker. Here’s a conversation we had via IM last week

Her: “How’s studying for the exam going?”

Me: “It’s OK. They cancelled my study group” – I told her this thinking she’d say “Oh no, that’s foolish, you NEEEED the study group – would you do brain surgery without going to medical school first? No, of course not, let’s hold off on this for another testing cycle!”

Her: “Oh, that study group is silly. They go over the entire book and not just the stuff that’s on the test”

Me, dumbfounded: “Well, Coworker J has offered to help quiz me a little, hopefully that will help”

Her: “Oh, she’s the one who wants to go over the entire book!”

Me, horrified and considering smashing head into wall: “Oh.”

And at work itself, where I’m supposed to be able to study for the exam (a little!), they have just decided to start shipping extra phone calls in the direction of my group. Yay.

The good news (says the eternal optimist) is that a month after the exam (win or lose, pass or fail) I get to go to Vegas. Hopefully by then I’ll have sobered up a little because this thing is driving me to drink.


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So, I felt weird all morning, kinda dopey and sleepy. (Yes, I probably took the Ambien too late last night; tonight I’ll take it when I walk in the door at 6:30 and let the pieces fall where they may). So, when I was sitting at my chair and felt a gentle tremor, my first thought was that I was having some sort of stroke or seizure.

Nope, just an earthquake, in VA, where Gene is until tomorrow.

Oh, and he’s OK too.

Crafty bugger…

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So, last week I got an IM from my coworker. “The payroll geeks and I are going to (Mountain City) for a bead show, wanna come with?”

These are mostly the same women that I went to dinner and the movies with a couple of months ago and I was ready for another girls’ outing…

But, a bead show? Two hours away?

Yes, ¬†and yes. I gave up the majority of a weekend day to go to a bead show. (“It’s like a gun show, but with beads!” is how I explained it to another co worker). It was an interesting experience for people (and bead) watching. In particular, some people are very, very into beads and making things with them.

I considered partaking…there were some very pretty turquoise beads. My coworker looked at them with me, suggested another strand for contrast and then another one so the turquoise would pop. At that point, my brain exploded and I had to apologize and go examine the room’s curtains for a moment.

A little later, I approached a vendor selling (guess!) beads, some of which were already made into necklaces, and asked the cost for one in particular.

“Seven-mutter,” he said,

“Seventeen?” I replied, thinking, huh. I have that much in cash.

“SevenTY,” he corrected.

“Ooh, thank you!” I said, shaking my head and walking away. If I could have thought of more than one occasion to wear it in a decade I would have been tempted.

The last few days…

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Here is what’s gone on the last few days:

– Work was fairly calm, got caught up on a few things. Should have brought home the gigantic book I need to read in order to study for the CPP but didn’t. Oh well. Tried to finish a training exercise for work in report writing, but the server (?) crashed (?) about 30 minutes before deadline. Deadline extended by 3 days – great, but finishing that project is priority #500 on Monday and Tuesday!

– The good news with work is that I somehow escaped the week without something happening to give me nightmares about “What did I forget? Did I forget to call someone? Did I forget to call someone back? Did I answer all of my emails? Will I get into trouble for forgetting something??” Anxiety is not fun!

– Gene and I went to Target yesterday to try and grocery shop there as well as purchased this year’s school supplies for charity. We’ve focused so long on paying off our credit cards that we have been pretty crummy about charity so making sure that we contribute means a lot to me personally. We’ve already discussed it and I’d like to ‘adopt’ a child again at Christmas and skip Xmas gifts but that’s a fourth quarter discussion.

– Looking forward to getting my toes done with Denise today! Seeing her twice in 30 days is awesome!

– I finally replaced all of our towels. I razzed my mother about buying towels when I was in Indiana in July, so maybe it’s hypocritical. I don’t know. What I do know is that our towels were between 9 and 11 years old so they were finished. At least one of them was so ratty that I don’t even feel safe using it as an ersatz dog blanket. I am one bath rug away from an entirely fluffy white bathroom. I just walked in there so I could walk on the tub mat, which is as soft as a cloud.


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So, I have a Twitter feed (@LaineyD123). It is criminally under-used – I think my last legit tweet was about 18 months ago or probably even longer. I enjoy reading tweets, though, and am following 148 awesome people (including Eddie Izzard, all of the members of the State on Tweeter, Alec Baldwin, Stephen Colbert, etc). Yesterday, someone (Stephen Fry maybe? His Tweets are always so smart) mentioned that Sam Neill is now on Twitter…and of course, I’ve had a crush on Sam Neill since Until the End of the World, leading me to buy a Jurassic Park coloring book when I was 16 because he was on the cover…so of course I’m following him. His account is actually in relation to his winery. His little Twitter picture (avatar?) is him with a wine bottle on his head.

(Note to Self: Find Sam Neill wine and buy it!)

Hilariously, I just got a message from Twitter that he wants to follow ME on Twitter. Considering that any Tweet from my account currently is re: Amazon Instant Video (I whored out my account for a $5 Instant Video credit, and I’d do it again!), he’s going to be mighty disappointed!


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  • Woke up early. Arrrrgh.
  • Got to work early. Double arrrrgh.
  • Got caught(ish) up with work.
  • Made some clients happy.
  • Fucked up a few things.
  • Planned to leave @ 5:30 (to make up for being in the overtime danger zone)
  • Got caught up working on a report, got in the car @ 6:01 PM. (Sigh). (Report didn’t do what I wanted it to do, pffhht)
  • Came home, Gene and I went across the street, where the Open Aire Shopping Mall had been turned into a pedestrian extravaganza of free stuff. A shredding company was taking boxes of shredding. Marked “Shred stuff” off my to-do list.
  • Picked up Qdoba for dinner. Mmmmm.
  • Finished off the pineapple upside down cake I made on Saturday.
  • Thought to myself, “Hmm, has the new order of dog food shipped?” and called Petfooddirect.com and found out it hadn’t shipped, and that it wasn’t going to ship because they couldn’t charge Gene’s credit card (stupid XBox Live hacker!) but weren’t going to tell me.
  • Gave the Petfooddirect customer service lady my debit card number, and the doggies will be fed. Yay. Although I think it’s stupid that they didn’t email to say, “Hey, having a little problem here!!”, I still love them. I think I always have the same rep on the phone and she is always excellent help. I will continue to give them an ungodly sum of money every month for between 25 and 30 lbs of dry dog food.