Lament…

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Remember a couple years ago when I wrote about the song I wrote that went (basically) “I don’t want to go to work today, I want to sit on my ass and play, I don’t want to go to work today, ’cause yesterday was pay day and it’s all downhill from there! Hey!”

(No, it’s OK if you don’t remember)

I would like to go back in time to LaineyD (September 2009 edition) and slap her. “Oh wahhh, yesterday was pay day, WAHHHHH”. Every day is (somebody’s) pay day now and I would be so frakking grateful for it to EVER be “all downhill from there!”. For fuck’s sake. Every day at work is like that one spot on the rollercoaster where, after going at a 90 degree angle for seemingly 74,000 feet you stop and just go across for a moment and you’re all “Ahh, relief!” but then it turns out now you have to go 74,000 feet back down instead and midway through THAT the Loch Ness Monster or a T-Rex leans over and swallows you whole. So you never get to actually get that feeling of “Whoo, caught up!” for more than an hour at a time.

(It’s also a lot like studying your ass off for a stupid test and not getting any extra pay for it).

(Grr).


Fine, I GET IT…

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So, I bought another fancy and cute WordPress theme today for the blog. Perhaps you noticed it in the last few hours? It’s OK if you didn’t as you would probably be confused because

1) It said my blog’s name is Your Blog Name Here

2) The directions from the people I purchased this theme from were: “Open file blogheader.png in Photoshop, Paint or etc and type in your blog’s name”

3) Because I’m using White Dog, I do not have MS Paint so I downloaded a free trial of Photoshop…

4) Which took about 45 minutes to download and install…

5) Only to find out I’m too stupid to figure out how to bust into the “Type layer” of this stinking document to change the blog name and then…

6) I get pissed and change the ‘theme’ back to Free WordPress blog theme #5. I get it…the best themes in life (at least in my experience) are free.

7) Dammit.

8) I may email these people and say “Whaaaat?” to their two sentence explanation.

9) All of the above doesn’t even touch on how much time I spent browsing themes, then buying theme, then remembering how the hell I upload said theme to my FTP site, then realizing that DreamHost’s Net2FTP interface has been removed, then reading about WHY it was removed (hackers, ahoy!), then debating about trying another interface, then deciding to try my luck.

10) Dammit (yes again, for good measure).


Dear Target: Keep your 5%

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A few weeks ago, in the interest of saving money, Gene and I hit upon the idea of doing the grocery shopping at Super Target. It worked out really well, we saved a little money, and of course, as a red-blooded middle class American woman I am required to tithe weekly at Target anyway.

On a previous trip, we were asked if we wanted to sign up for the Target debit card so we would save 5%. Of course we wanted to sign up!! But we needed a voided check from our bank account.

But, we bank at an internet only bank that does not offer actual paper checks. We get around this with a ‘check’ printed from their website that includes our account number and routing number. So today we headed to Super Target armed with this ‘check’. We did all of our grocery shopping (we do a menu and grocery list every Friday night so we’re ready to go on Saturday morning) and hit the checkout.

I gave the clerk our ‘check’ and he looked at it like it was covered in bees. The clerk calls over another clerk, who decides that the ‘check’ needs to be cut out of the 8.5×11 piece of paper. A few minutes pass and she finally makes her way back with our ‘check’ in her hand. They run it through the check scanner thing and it gets crumpled. They decide that the regular piece of paper is too thin so they try to feed it through with another small piece of paper behind it…and it gets stuck.

We tell them that we will just pay with our regular (non-Target) debit card, so I swipe my card. The clerk’s register is still asking “How much is the check for?” More time passes as the brain trust at Target tries to figure this out. The ‘check’ is still jammed somewhere in the bowels of the register, BTW (it may well still be in there now – identity theft, ahoy!). They determine that the only answer is to start. all. over. (We easily had 50 separate items in our cart, all of which had been scanned and bagged).

Gene and I look at each other. “Do you want to go to Cheesecake City Grocery Store?” he asks.

“Yeah, I do,” I reply, expecting Target to snap to attention that they are now losing out on our business and immediately come up with a better solution than ringing up our order a second time. I thought that a manager might even chase after us as we walked out to the car.

Instead…well, Target, forget you and your debit card and your wide array of stuff. I’m out. I will no longer be tithing at your house of retail worship.


yello…

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So, I passed my Incredibly Hard Payroll test (did I tell you? It was incredibly hard).

And now…ummm… I kinda don’t want to do payroll anymore. (Have I ever talked about how much I dislike that phrase, ‘do payroll’? It just sounds so ignorant, like there aren’t another 10,000 verbs that might be more descriptive…such as “got fucked by payroll”).

I actually was supposed to have a job interview yesterday but I had to cancel. (A teammate was to have the afternoon off for a doctors appointment, so that trumped my interview with a major corporation in their HR department). That sucked. It would have paid about 10% more than I make now, but the drive would have been easily 45 minutes to an hour each way. And we probably would have had to buy a second car, so goodbye 10% more than my current job.

Maybe I’ll feel better after my vacation, which is coming up in about a month. Still don’t have the official plans together but we’re easing towards them now.

So, that’s all that’s new here. I am fine, hope you are too.


Testing, testing, 1, 2, 325…

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Yes!

Yesterday I took my exam for the Super Hard Payroll Certification. I was given 4 hours to take the exam and about midway through, I thought, “Well, this isn’t going well…”. I was able to mark any question I wanted as “Review Later” and I marked at least a quarter of the questions. After I’d gone through all the questions once I went through the review questions and checked my math and thought about the answers I’d given to the non-calculation questions. There were at least a few that I had no clue on.

At the end, I thought to myself, “It’s OK if I failed and it’s great if I passed, it’s OK if I failed and it’s great if I passed.” I truly had no idea how I’d done. After you click on “finished test” (or whatever it’s called), they make you answer some demographic questions about methods you used to study. Strangely, “Signed up for study group that was cancelled, jerks! Had to study using help from coworkers and ghetto flashcards made from penguin notepaper*” was NOT an option.

Afterwards, my result came up on the screen. “Test result: Pass”. And I looked at it and thought, Hmm, now which one is “Pass” again? Then it clicked that the next word was “Congratulations…” and that they would probably not congratulate me for failing this freaking thing.

So, that’s the story of how I passed the exam using 3 markers, 8 pages of dry erase notebook, and my trusty $10 Staples calculator BUT had to use context clues to figure out that I had passed.

Ah.

* I couldn’t find any note cards at home the night I decided I wanted to make flashcards, but I did find a pad of penguin shaped note paper, so I had to improvise.