Hack, hack, hack….

Sadie’s been coughing a lot this week. I feel like it’s time to take her to the vet’s office. They will probably recommend doing another round of ‘fast kill’ to try and get rid of whatever heart worms are in her lungs still. I’m going to push hard to do this – maybe after vacation so she can be kept relaxed at home. She just seems so woebegone, yet intermittently energetic. I’d like to go find her previous owners and break their ankles for neglecting her medical care so badly and letting her have at least one litter of puppies. She’s such a sweet, loving puppy and she deserves so much better.

Shoes and Purses and Perfume

(What is, “Three things that even tubby girls can buy”, Alex?)

(Or is it, “What are three things that even tubby girls can buy?”, Alex)


(I bought 2 pairs of shoes, 1 bottle of cologne for Gene, and ogled many, many purses on Saturday with Denise)

(It was a great day)

(We went to Cheesecake Factory and ate so much yummy real food we forgot to eat cheesecake)

(Which is really just like us)

Internet Superstar…

Greetings, visitors to LaineyD.com who got here through links from random spam emails and links on Yahoo! groups and who the hell knows what other methods.

Typically, my internet traffic is about 3 visitors (some combination of Mom, Dad, Bill, Denise and Erin). Since whatever led to my site being compromised, my traffic went up to 40 hits on the 14th and all the way up to 1520 hits on the 17th or 18th. I have now removed all of the compromised stuff from my FTP site and I’m hopeful that it will get things back to normal.

But in the meantime, I’m going to be a internet superstar, or at least a mini internet superstar. It is so disturbing to google your page and find links to it (and not the funny witty posts my real friends get to see, but stuff that leads to the design pages, which are boring!) in weird places, clearly posted there by spam bots or some sort of mustache twirling evil-doer. I’m going to make the most of it and say that the blog went viral.

Sunday night

So! Where shall I begin?

1) The new crazy pills are working out beautifully. The heart thing is pretty much solved (I think I will take Erin’s suggestion of having a glass of wine, though. I know that one is supposed to drink red wine for one’s heart, but… Apothic White all the way!)

2) Had a super duper relaxing marvelous awesome (shh!) romantic weekend. I shall spare you the details.

3) Not sure why I keep saying “Shall”. Sorry.

4) And then earlier today I was checking my email while waiting for the garage door repairman to arrive (and that’s a long story) and found out that my account with my hosting service had been compromised. Gene helped me fix the issue, which basically boiled down to deleting a few subdirectories and changing a few passwords. My design had some wonky code in it that might have caused some redirections, so if you were redirected somewhere while visiting my site please lemme know.

5) This is also why I have changed my design three or four times in the last couple hours. Currently, the header has a cartoon cupcake, which I think is mostly perfect. Mmm, sprinkles.


The Crazy

I preface all of this by saying that I picked up my new crazy pills this evening and will start them tomorrow morning.

1) I just caught myself window shopping online for something to wear to my brother’s wedding. Please note that my brother has been married for six years now. I’m not going senile, I still just feel stupid about what I wore.

2) I admitted to my entire team at work that my job makes me crazy and the Ambien is my savior.

3) I also sang a few bars of a One Direction song a couple weeks ago. I’m actually more embarrassed about singing than the rest. In my head I sound like a half dozen 17 year olds, why don’t I when I actually sing?

4) I may or may not have finished reading a currently notorious trilogy. I may or may not have read it all the way through two times. I may or may not have hunted down a copy of the original ‘fan fiction’ that spawned said trilogy so I can read that too. I may or may not feel this is like reading Anna Karenina in the original Russian, but smuttier.

5) Work is…worky. I’m pretty sure I work harder than the rest of my team, except my manager. I will say that I get shit done, though. It feels good having a lot of the answers. It’s taken two years but I finally feel a little more like the people I worked with as a client, the people who knew all the answers and could spout them without hemming and hawing and “Ummm”ing.

6) My heart is…hell, I don’t know. I drank too much Diet Dr. Pepper yesterday afternoon and felt like crap all evening at home. Did I mention I’m trying to give up caffeine, slowly? Today I had some Diet Coke at lunch and some pink lemonade with dinner and feel mostly less crappy. It is terribly unnerving to feel my heart beat strangely, feel a little like I’ve been shaken and feel winded just sitting on the sofa. It’s probably time to see a real doctor instead of the punchline to the old joke “What do you call the guy who graduated last in his class at med school?” but is it necessary to get a second opinion on hypochondria?

Well, that was stupid

So, I made it to Urgent Care and it was closer to the scenario I described last night where the trip was useless.

(Note to Self: The doctors working on the Sunday urgent care shifts are NOT the valedictorians from Harvard)

They listened to my heart, did an EKG (they did two actually – the first test’s results were a little curious and I was practically doing my “I TOLD YOU SO” victory dance when I was interrupted by the results of the second test, which revealed basically that the nurse didn’t know how to operate the EKG machine the first time)…

(Note to Blue Cross/Blue Shield: Maybe Urgent Care was running a buy one get one free sale?)

And gave me the amazing news: I need to relax more. And exercise more. And stop taking Ambien every night (which, HAHAHAHAHA. No. Not happening. Not even if McDreamy from Greys Anatomy suggested it). And see my primary care doctor if I want more testing done. (Basically, the reason I didn’t see Dr. Hottie is that I didn’t want to take time off from my high stress job ¬†for another stupid doctor appointment to determine if the racing heart thing was due to the high stress job or being unmedicated or dehydrated or just plain whiny).

Wonky Heart

So, I’m completely off the rails right now, and by rails I mean I’m completely unmedicated. There was a gap in taking my new crazy pill while the insurance people decided to approve it for me and in the meantime, I decided,”heh, you know, I’d really rather not take this drug anyway” due to a annoying side effect called No Cookies Syndrome.

So, I saw Dr. F on Thursday and he wrote me a script for a hilarious new drug. Google tells me it’s for major depression. Major…depression? Me? I think of myself as being lightly anxious all the time with the occasional instance where something a little stronger would help me on the random occasion. Perhaps a light dose of Wellbutrin (mmm, all the lovely energy!) with a side bottle of…hmm, Xanax…to help when I read articles in People magazine about Snooki being pregnant or when I have to be “on” at work.

Anyway, I told Dr. F that I have some weird feelings in that heart shaped thing in my chest and he said Yeah, it’s probably residual anxiety since I’m unmedicated (both Dr. F and Gene are SUPER excited that I stopped taking my drugs) and I said Yeah, this has never happened before and he said, “Yeah?” as if I’d revealed my plans to buy a new pair of shoes.

So instead, I’m calling in the big guns. I actually drive past two emergency rooms and at least 1 Urgent Care on my way home each night and I gotta admit I was tempted to stop in. But I’m scared – first, I truly dislike hospitals in general and second I’m afraid that they’re going to listen to my weird heart beat and tell me I’m crazy, that’s not a weird heart beat at all and to leave $100 on the dresser so they can go deal with some actual sick people instead of hypochondriac drama queens named Elaine. Oh and thirdly I’m afraid they’re going to admit me because my wonky heart beats are caused by dehydration and I pretty much drink diet soda all the time. And don’t get me started on the Vitamin Water I drank today and how it’s all pure and natural and covered in a fuck ton of caffeine. Grrr.

But I think tomorrow will be the day I scoot over to the urgent care, nice and early, and ask them to listen to my heart. And tell them it feels faint. Hopefully we’ll get somewhere or else I’ll just end up embarrassed.

Or! Maybe tomorrow will be the date I wake up, my heart feels great and I go nowhere.

The Perfect Ride

So, Gene was out of town over the weekend. Sometimes, when he’s gone, I don’t as much do things as I fill time. Saturday, I filled time by going to the amusement park. My plan had been to ride all of the coasters there and make it home by early afternoon. I even started off really well, riding a level 5 (out of 5) coaster within the first hour. And then I got in a line for another one and rode it – at the end, I thought “I think I could become a real snob about wooden coasters”. And then I walked off the ride and was pretty sure I was going to hurl.

WTF. Getting old sucks.

Anyway, I ended the day on a high note, on another coaster (another level 5). I screamed the entire time like I was on fire. It was amazing, the perfect ride. The cars had staggered seats, so on the way down the hills, all I could see was…nothing.

(And then I spent all day Sunday and yesterday squeaking when I talked…apparently I’d screamed enough to make myself hoarse! Perfect for a girl who spends all day on the phone, right?)