Over the weekend, I decided that I needed to buy a baby gift for my coworker’s new baby (who was born over the weekend), so I visited the Gymboree across the street. My last visit to Gymbo was over a year ago so I think it makes me a recovered former addict. Hat, long sleeved onesie, socks, blanket. All in a super cute dogs-driving-trucks pattern. I still love that place.
There are two directions that I could take this…either the “I’m past the baby rabies stage” direction (which is a bold faced lie) or the “Fucking coworker, married not even a year and his face is a pizza how come he gets to procreate??” (which is disturbingly impolite and self involved) but the truth is that we’re, what, three years past the intense baby chase years and I really lack the energy to hold onto all of that anger on a full time basis. It hits me from time to time, though such as when I realized that having a (theoretical) baby tomorrow means that Gene would be parenting a minor for 36 straight years.
(Surely not even Jim Bob Duggar can say that?)
I assume we are all familiar with the concept of doing surprising things after taking Ambien, right?
(Oh, Ambien, I Love You)
Anyway, so the other day I was washing my hair in the shower, as one does, when it hit me. “Hmm. I bought something last night. Oops.”
Apparently, after Ambien O’Clock (9:00 PM), Gene had gone to bed and I was playing Twilight Canasta and checking my email. Where I had a message from Sephora, offering me a free sample of Prada Candy perfume if I placed an order. So I cruised over to Sephora and apparently I had stuff in my ‘cart’ and that was the day to pull the trigger. The purchase was planned-ish, I just hadn’t ordered yet. (Still a mystery: Why did I put lip gloss in my cart???)
Today, however, I dimly remembered looking at plane tickets to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving* last night, but apparently I didn’t actually buy anything. Heh. That would have been interesting to explain to Gene… “So, Ambien apparently drove me to book a vacation…”
In retrospect I would do this if I knew I could get away with it.
You know what really annoys the eff out of me?
When people comment on news articles, blog posts, message boards, etc something like “I’m reading this at work and laughed so hard I spit coffee on my keyboard!”
How do these people have time to read the internet at work? And drink coffee at the same time? And they get PAID for this? Today at work they gave us Free Breakfast# (bagels…ugh, really?) and I didn’t finish eating mine until 11:40 (yes, I remember the time…..pppptttthhhh). You know what I do on my breaks? I float to the ladies room in between phone calls.
(I am clearly still metaphysically* paying for all the time I spent wasting reading personal emails and doing internet word searches at my old job)
# Don’t get excited, it’s National P@yroll Week
* Is ‘metaphysically’ the word I’m looking for?