The Cheesecake is Rich

I had a job interview this morning. I met with three people, including the woman who (I think) would have been my direct supervisor. I think it went really well, although they insisted on asking all those goofy non-questions like “Tell me about a time you had to resolve a conflict and what you learned [...]

(I warned you)
Background: on a W-2 form, for some reason, tips and wages are separated out for Social Security (i.e., if your taxable wages were $5000 for the year, there will be a box that says that your Social Security wages were $1000 and Social Security tips were $4000).
So, I got a call today from [...]

So, I have an early W-2 season funny story for you:
There is a former employee of my employer. We will call him Senor Dumbass or SD for short. He has a wife/girlfriend/fiancee, Senora Dumbass or Mrs. SD. For the record, SD no longer works for us because he failed a very important test (puff, puff).
I [...]

…about W-2s
(Groan!)
(Yes, this is the time of year where I talk about nothing but W-2s but at least I’m not talking about babies, so shut up).
So, let’s say that you are shocked (!) that only $9 was deducted in federal tax all year long. Don’t go crying to your employer’s payroll clerk, as if she [...]

I don’t know if this dream is funny, weird or something else…
So, the w-2s arrived at work yesterday (Friday). D and Gwen sort them (there are 3000 of the little suckers) and all the current employee W2s are sent via FedEx to the locations. I didn’t do much to help (busy sorting checks).
Clearly I felt [...]

So anyway, the (freeeeeaking) W-2s are going to be late by about a week. Argh. I was expecting them today and now I’ll get them “early” next week. I am glad for the delay so I can focus on other stuff at work but I was also looking forward to them going the hell away [...]

So, it’s that time again!
::big inhale::
“Okay, no, they haven’t gone out yet. Which location did you work for? Okay, what’s your name? Yes, I have your address as 123 Any Street in Cheesecake City. Oh, okay, what’s your new address? All righty, can I get a phone number just in case? Great! Okay, the W-2s [...]

I am basically out of things to say. I am looking toward a future – two futures, actually – and I don’t really know which way to go. I can’t even put together the words to explain what I mean. I can do nothing and maybe things will work out and then maybe things will [...]

So, this morning I made up a song to sing to the dogs. I am willing to bet the meaning is transparent and possibly universal. Wanna hear it? Here it goes:
“I, I, I, don’t want to go to work today!
I, I, I, want to sit on my ass and play!
I, I, I, don’t want to [...]

If you’re calling your former employer to track down a payroll check, and you get voicemail, do not leave a message where you manage to both ramble in Valley Girl-ese and speak so quickly that they can’t entirely understand your name or your mailing address (“Oh mah God, where’s my paycheck?”). Take your time. Spell [...]