Good things about new employer/new job:
1) Employer has not filed for Chapter ANYTHING. In fact, if anything they have too much work! (Supposedly, if I’d started a few weeks ago I would have been insanely busy at work).

2) Free lunch on Fridays.

3) Jeans are OK any day of the week. (So cool. I know it sounds silly, but at my old job they refused to let us wear jeans unless it was Friday).

4) Benefits are…pretty good! (Not totally the boondoggle I was hoping for, but I still think there is a savings in there)

5) Job security. One of the ladies I interviewed with told me at lunch today that she really wanted to hire me to work with her but that the HR lady overruled her. Oh well. Maybe next time! And that’s something else…I truly believe I will go places at this company.

6) Sign with my name on it. I saw my cubicle and it says “Elaine Last Name” on it. YES! 9.75 years and I never got that! Sounds dumb, but I am so excited!

On an unrelated note: I’m going to use the Mahjobiscrappis category for this post, but only because I haven’t made a category for “Mahjobbis::crossingfingers::”.

So, Wednesday was it. I got to work a little early and worked my ass off (seriously, I was in the middle of writing an insurance procedure at zero hour – never finished, btw) until Boss Gwen announced that lunch was ready. She had ordered a huge range of Chinese food for us all to eat and enjoy!

All of us sat in the conference room and ate and talked talked talked. Everyone signed a very sweet “farewell” card and pitched in to get me a membership to the Chocolate of the Month club. Once a quarter for the next year I’ll get a box of candy! What a great idea!

After everyone went back to work, Gwen and I talked for a few minutes. Mostly about my replacement and all I could really say was, “It’ll be fine!” (Privately, I told D that “It’ll be a nightmare!”).

Then, we loaded up the car with the last of my stuff (and leftover Farewell Cheesecake, leftover Chinese food and Good Luck balloons). Gwen and I tried to stay very stoic about it and not cry (well, OK, it would have been more along the lines of WAHOO from my side of the table).

Yesterday, I hung around the house until noon, then I picked up lunch for D and I and drove out to her house where we ate and talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. Since I hadn’t seen her for more than an hour since her surgery, it was so freaking nice to spend all that time with her. Especially since I didn’t have to keep an ear out for Gwen (who was understandably annoyed to see her two underlings yammering instead of working). Oh, it was a wonderful day.

Today, I again hung around the house until noon and then Gene and I went to see the new movie Inception. OMG, it was a great movie but it was very confusing. I wonder if Leonardo DeCaprio will ever evolve into a comedic actor or if he’ll stick to playing troubled men (Revolutionary Road, all those Scorcese movies, etc)?

And now I’m geeking although I should go be a good girl and clean the kitchen, which is just…in need of a good sweeping, wipe down and steam mopping.

Monday, I start a new adventure.

I never thought I’d retire from my employer’s, but I’m still surprised that after tomorrow I won’t walk back in there again (I’ve been asked to ‘keep in touch’ but I think that I will only stay close w/ The Almighty D).

After tomorrow… no more stupid Xmas Muzak (no Muzak at all!)…no more phone calls from baby daddies…no more endless social services forms. Starting Monday, I will be an Implementation Analyst for a payroll provider and I will work with new clients. The new job is a heavy burden – I have seen (or at least heard) how hard our rep at our payroll provider works and I know I want to be as good as her. She is always always friendly and so smart.

Other hilarity: I was sitting in the car today, reading, when my phone rang. It was a payroll manager from a company I’d sent my resume to. The job was extremely promising but way too far away (almost an hour). The money was crazy good (more than I have ever made!) and I was sorely tempted to try and interview Thursday or Friday just in case the new job doesn’t work out.

I hope I have made the right choice!

First, I had to Google “how to write a resignation letter” (and yes, I wrote it at work because I am classy that way). Then I had to write a resignation letter. Then I had to accept the job offer from yesterday – via voicemail – and then wait, petrified, terrrrified that the new company would have decided in the previous 24 hours that they hated me.

(But of course, that’s not how that went. The HR Director from the new company finally called me at 3-ish after I called her at 9:30 in the morning).

Boss Gwen is probably ready to shoot me but she also knows she needs me to show her all the stuff I do so she can do my (soon to be old) job. Originally I asked for a full two week notice – but because of my time off and the fourth of July it would have only been 7 days notice and that really isn’t long enough.

So my last day will be approximately July 14. And then my first day at the new company will be July 19. I will be unemployed for about 4 glorious days. OMG.

Pros:

1) Company is in better financial shape than my current employer

2) Medical benefits are pretty much better (it’s high deductible, but the premium is entirely employer paid)

3) Commute is shorter

4) Job is entirely payroll focused. No more farting around w/ HR, benefits, etc.

Cons:

1) Money is worse – I know! I didn’t think it could get worse than what I’m pulling in now. (However, a pro within a con: I spoke to Boss Gwen who assured me that my current employer will probably not be able to offer me more $ due to the whole Chapter 11 kerfluffle).

2) Leaving Boss Gwen and the Almighty D in a serious, serious lurch. D goes out on a medical LOA tomorrow (AAHHHH!!) and Boss Gwen also shared with me that they will probably not replace me. Not now, not ever. How fucked up is that? D and Gwen can’t do payroll, HR and all the insane parts of D’s job.

A tiny part of me wishes this job offer rolled around in 6 or so weeks so D would be back at work and I would be thoroughly annoyed with Boss Gwen and ready to GTFO.

But here’s the deal: no one is offering me the 15% they took from me in July 2009. At least two people in my office have had their pay reinstated, ostensibly due to “promotions.” Well, booey on them. When they laid off Stefania’s Toady, I took over a portion of Toady’s work load. When I moved from Stef’s team back to Gwen’s back in 2008 (?), my work load increased immensely. And I never got a raise for any of it. Hell, the sum total I have seen has been negative 15% of my salary.

Why am I even thinking twice? Two reasons: first, I will miss seeing the Almighty D daily. Her LOA was going to be hard enough (I liken it to how Betty acts when Scooby goes to the vet without her…mopey). Second, I do not like change. Change is hard. It is usually worth it, but yikes!!! What if I hate this job?

You guys, it is so weird to be in this position. Not counting the call center back in 2004, I haven’t had a job offer since the day the Accounting Manager shoved a post it note at me that read:

1/2/2001

$23k

and that was that.

Hmm. What? I have no idea what to think, so I’m just going to hang out and wait to see what happens. Did I mention that Boss Gwen (as opposed to Niece G-Dawg) knows I was at an interview yesterday? I haven’t verified it but I imagine that she’ll know for sure soon enough.

This whole process is so weird. I have never been pursued for a job. I started as a temp at the company I work for now – basically, after 90 days of temping if you aren’t obviously a moron or stealing, you got hired on. And nearly 10 years later, ta-da!

This brings me to my next point: I’m supposed to have the last week of June off. Originally we were going to Berlin but then (Duh) I priced the flight and realized that THAT wouldn’t happen. Then we hit upon the idea of a road trip to Arkansas to visit my grandfather. And, well, I haven’t really planned THAT either. So now I don’t know what I’m going to do that week. (I did price flights from Cheesecake to Indianapolis and from Indianapolis to Little Rock – inexplicably the whole thing costs less than a flight from Cheesecake City to just Indy or Little Rock. Airlines you are too confusing).

(However: someone – not me – is having surgery that week  so maybe I’ll just stay here and see if she can get me a hook up for an IV built for two).

(really, I don’t know. It would be so much easier if I were unemployed and independently wealthy.)

I’m not going to say the interview went poorly today but I will say that I am drinking a *VERY* large Cherry Pepsi Icee and this fact is the best thing that happened to me today.

Other things that went better today than the interview:

1) Received 3 books from Bookmooch. (total # of Bookmooch books I’ve read so far = 0. Can I go back on vacation?)

2) Took car to Nissan dealership. The oil change was free (yay for Nissan giftcard, which is a long story – did I tell you about this already?) but the wire in the steering column that needs to be replaced is more like $350. Wahoo. (Okay, it’s actually going to be $339 because I still have $11 on that gift card).

3) Oatmeal, walnut and cranberry break-n-bake cookies (the reason I went to Target, ha ha) are in the oven and smell freaking incredible.

4) Lunch was take out from Qdoba and was yummy. Oh, Mexican food, how I adore thee.

All of that said…here is a VERY important life lesson that I hope I have learned on behalf of each of you: When interviewing with the CE(fucking)O of a company (siiigh) do not refer to the company by the name of his competitor. (Yes, clearly I DO want to go live on the streets after my current employer goes toes up).

Oh, and the reason the company called me 24 hours later for a second interview was because the CEO was going to be out of town the rest of the week and on vacation the subsequent two weeks. So much for my “OMG they love me!” theory.

Cookies are done.

So, I’m still in the endless pursuit of obtaining employment with a company not in the throes of a New Chapter (11). Today I had a job interview at a payroll outsourcer. I think it went well. I interviewed with the lady who would be my boss and the company’s HR Director (who is my age and has no pores on her face – how is that possible?). They told me that I would hear something in the next couple of weeks. They are going to do a second round of interviews (with the company’s CEO – fancy, fancy!). I think they liked me and the location is about 10 minutes from my house. My current commute is 30 minutes or less so this would be even better.

I really hate job interviews, but I hate the idea of leaving my employer even more. I know that Gwen (who is rapidly becoming a full 50% heinous) will be crushed if/when I leave. And not getting to hang out with The Almighty D once or twice a day will SUCK. (She’s not just my Work Friend, she’s my Real Friend and I am so freaking lucky to know her).

(Sidebar: OMG, I just realized that if they don’t do second interviews for 2 more weeks and if I am hired I will probably start while D is on an FMLA leave [that I won't discuss here, but will probably ask you all to cross your fingers for her on her big day because trust me, We All Love The Almighty D].)

So, part of me thinks that if this job (and another job that I may interview for that is about a 30-45 minute commute but a ton more $) does not work out and I do end up on Unemployment after hanging on until the bloody end, it won’t be so bad. Every pink collar at my office is licking their chops for that kind of break. We all have massive To Do lists at home and absolutely no energy To Do anything on them. (Also: unemployment isn’t really that much less than I make now)

So, today was a day I call SUPER PAYROLL WEDNESDAY. The workday started at 5 am. Ugh, I hate getting up early. And since sooooomeone insisted on watching all 55 hours of the Celebrity Apprentice finale show (despite knowing who won), I didn’t get to bed until after midnight.

And! Here’s something that I did that was extra dumb: So to get to work by 5, I had to be awake by 4 (as in, One Two Three OhFourTheLove it is too freaking early!). Our alarm clock has two settings – typically, I have one set for Tuesday-Friday and one set for Mondays of Doom (stupid Mondays). I set one of them for 4:00 am. And then, in a sleepy haze, I reset it for 5:00 am. (I meant to set one for 4, the other for 5).

Sigh. Imagine my surprise when I woke up out of cold sleep at 4:41 this morning. (Still made it to work by 5:15 – the first rule of Super Payroll Wednesday is we don’t talk about how I got from “just rolled out of bed” to “just rolled into work” in less than 45 minutes).

So, fun is when your payroll provider calls you and says, “So I hear your company filed bankruptcy. How do you plan to pay for your payroll?”

(The answer, BTW, is “We plan to pay for our payroll with $$$ so we can continue to have glorious things like a payroll clerk”). (Because if they can’t ‘make’ payroll, I plan to vacate immediately).

I told Gwen, my boss, this and she said that I couldn’t up n’ quit if I wanted unemployment.

(SERIOUSLY, Gwen? I didn’t think you could get more myopic than telling me that I wouldn’t feel so bad about not having a baby if I were religious).

(Or the time you asked if I’d heard of adoption).

I spent yesterday forehead deep in the Essence of Futility (entering invoices into the Accounts Payable software that we will never pay). It’s sad, guys. Every invoice from before the date the company filed won’t get paid. Some of these vendors are small companies and we owe them thousands of dollars. (Some of them are HUGE companies and we owe them tens of thousands).

Gwen has pretty much told me that she won’t stand in my way if I choose to quit (umm, I think denying me unemployment = standing in my way, boss) but that she hopes I will stay. So I do plan to stay, mostly because it’s still a paycheck (..::crosses fingers::..), I still get to hang out w/ The Almighty D (when time allows – yesterday we went to Walgreens for chocolate and it was the highlight of my working week), I have over 4 weeks of time off to use, and I have no place else to go. Yet.

But, there will always be another pink collar job out there. Plus, I realized earlier today that if the company goes under, there is literally nothing tying us to Cheesecake City (if we can sell the house). I’ve thought for awhile that we needed to get out of this house, so maybe this could be the push we need. Who knows?

D asked me the other day how I was so calm about all of this. I told her it was partially an illusion but that I had enough chocolate to get me through the week. This morning, I was taking my two-shot (generic Wellbutrin XL and generic Zoloft) and I realized, “Hmm. I bet that helps too.”