Yesterday’s annoyances:

1) Got to work early, but later than I’d planned since I was making an early exit and Boss Gwen wasn’t aware of it

2) Car service I’d scheduled for ride to airport did not materialize. Took hoopty cab to airport, cost more than car service, driven by cabbie who had to be coerced to pick up my suitcase. Tipped said cabbie for absolutely no good reason.

3) At Cheesecake Airport, sat next to older lady who would not shut up! Ugh, go buy a copy of People and let me enjoy my laptop (and free Wifi) in peace!

4) Flight from Cheesecake left late, got to Atlanta late (due to weather), 45 minute layover turned into two hours of pacing airport waiting for it to reopen (closed due to weather). Made it to Indiana about 11:30 instead of before 10:00. Mother Nature, phhhhhfffffffttttt.

5) Seatmate on flight from Atlanta stole my cookies! And was not respectful of the “Keep your damn self on your side of the arm rest!” rule.  Isn’t that a universal rule? If I don’t know you, I don’t want to be touched by you. (Oh and!! when she brushed off the crumbs of MY COOKIES she brushed them onto me! Rude!) (And she took any unclaimed packages of cookies she saw as we exited the plane). (Ahem)

Good Things That Happened Yesterday (in order of happening):

1) Dad met me at the airport. It is so nice to be met at the airport.

2) WHITE CASTLE WHITE CASTLE WHITE CASTLE (I think this is the cheeseburger the LOLcats are after)

3) Met GWEN my adorable tiny tiny niece. She is SO cute and I will pester the heck out of her with the camera. Once I wake up.

So anyway, I have a dilemma. At my new job, I will have 2 weeks of vacation a year (plus sick time and my birthday off). I start the job on 7/19. Gene still wants to go to Germany to visit his friend and his family. How on Earth do I ask for a week off less than two months into starting a new job? What if they say no? And say I can’t have the job after all? And then I end up with zero jobs?

I know the answer is I should call the HR director at the new company and talk to her about it but I am so very scared. When I had an interview with another company in March, they made it clear that I’d be lucky to have 5 consecutive days off anytime in the next year. New Employer seems more laid back than that but am I pressing my luck?

Ugh.

*More horrifying, I tried to spell the word “spell” as “spelle.”

Second, I wonder what Gene plans to cook for dinner. He was in VA but he’s home now (showed up just as I finished making the bed with clean sheets).

Third, my hives (why do I want to call them scales? or scabies? or rabies?) are recovering remarkably after just two days of Prednisone. Yay!

Fourth, that means that the hives will not be accompanying me on my visit to Exotic Indianapolis. I’ll be in town from late on the 29th until midday on the 4th. YAY! YAY!!!! I plan to pack an entire suitcase with my Illicit Gymbo Stash (gifting it to Brandy), which means that I will need to buy a new wardrobe once I get to Indiana. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. YAY!

(And those are the official dates – I finally booked my flight earlier today. Holy Hell, I miss Indiana and its residents and I am SO excited to finally meet Gwen.)

(I will get to Arkansas, I WILL). (I’m not proud that I have been saying that since 2008). (Also not proud that I am annoyed that my – ?? – step-cousin? – will be there more or less when I want to be there. Not thinking the most charitable of thoughts).

So, yay! Can’t wait to see my beloved family in Indianapolis in July. And that goes double for my beautiful niece, who I cannot wait to meet!

Hmm. What? I have no idea what to think, so I’m just going to hang out and wait to see what happens. Did I mention that Boss Gwen (as opposed to Niece G-Dawg) knows I was at an interview yesterday? I haven’t verified it but I imagine that she’ll know for sure soon enough.

This whole process is so weird. I have never been pursued for a job. I started as a temp at the company I work for now – basically, after 90 days of temping if you aren’t obviously a moron or stealing, you got hired on. And nearly 10 years later, ta-da!

This brings me to my next point: I’m supposed to have the last week of June off. Originally we were going to Berlin but then (Duh) I priced the flight and realized that THAT wouldn’t happen. Then we hit upon the idea of a road trip to Arkansas to visit my grandfather. And, well, I haven’t really planned THAT either. So now I don’t know what I’m going to do that week. (I did price flights from Cheesecake to Indianapolis and from Indianapolis to Little Rock – inexplicably the whole thing costs less than a flight from Cheesecake City to just Indy or Little Rock. Airlines you are too confusing).

(However: someone – not me – is having surgery that week  so maybe I’ll just stay here and see if she can get me a hook up for an IV built for two).

(really, I don’t know. It would be so much easier if I were unemployed and independently wealthy.)

Dear Elaine,

Please stop looking at Las Vegas vacations. Your vacation is over. You were there for a freaking week. Yes, all the banner ads on all the websites you visit (at home AND at work…sigh) are for packages for the hotels but that does NOT mean that you should click on them. First of all, it’s a self perpetuating problem because clearly clicking on a banner just means you get more banners later. Second of all, you JUST were there! And finally, you need to go to Indiana, Arkansas and Germany this year. Not Las Vegas.

Say it with you: I Hate Las Vegas.

Much love,

You

(But I loooooove vacations).

Here are some final thoughts (ha ha, final thoughts!) on Las Vegas:

First, your baby does not want to go to Las Vegas. Yeah, yeah, shark reef at Mandalay. Yeah, yeah, M&M store. Your. baby. does. not. want. to. hang. out. in. casinos. Las Vegas is the anti-Disney. It is the Unhappiest Place on Earth. (Seriously, what the fuck is your infant going to get out of a trip to Las Vegas? Get that baby home!)**

Second, if you – as adults, minus the kiddoes – go to Las Vegas, I strongly recommend staying in a non-gaming hotel. When Gene told me we were staying at the Renaissance, I kind of felt like we’d miss a part of the Las Vegas Experience. Instead, I feel it was totally worth it. Any time I got near the main entrance of any of the big hotels (MGM Grand, Mandalay Bay, etc) and saw that traffic was 6 cars deep, I was instantly glad that I didn’t have to get into that.

Third, the fountain show at Bellagio was totally worth it. I saw it three times – the last time was with Gene and the song was Frank Sinatra’s version of “Luck Be a Lady” from Guys & Dolls. Totally, completely, unequivocally awesome. (And free. And I love free stuff). I regret not seeing it after dark.

Fourth, In-N-Out Burger was delicious and so good. Every meal I ate, I was sure it was the best meal of the trip and then I’d eat another meal and think that that was the best meal. In-N-Out was good, definitely not the best (thank you Red Square…and the Bellagio buffet…and the turkey sandwich I ate poolside), but I will eat there again when I return in 12 more years.

* That is, unless Gene divorces me and I end up married to a man who wants kids. (what, TMI?)

** This message brought to you by the Sisterhood of Bitter & Judgmental Infertiles.

So, yesterday. Gene was supposed to have lunch and dinner with various people from the conference he’s here to attend. I decided to take the monorail to the stop for the Venetian, the Mirage and (I think) Treasure Island, see what there was to be seen and absolutely! not! walk! a lot! again! today! (Seriously, every day I have thought, ‘OK, I’m going to go out for an hour or two, have some lunch and then come back to read by the pool or maybe write a little’ and every damn day I have failed and returned, limping, to the hotel room about 6 pm).

Anyway, the Venetian – okay, I actually mean the Shops at the Venetian because if I don’t get to walk through a super fancy mall at least once per day the terrorists win. The Venetian shops are very nice (better than Miracle Mile shops at Planet Hollywood, not as nice as the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace, and still better than going to my job). The gondola rides looked cool but I didn’t feel like it. Other than that, you had your typical high end shops (is it a bad thing that I was no longer impressed by Louis Vuitton, etc? I really feel like it was becoming a drinking game – “Every time you see a store selling $500 sunglasses, take a drink from your 3 foot tall glass of margarita!”).

Anyway, I was in front of one of the stores when my phone beeped (I never hear it ring, but I always hear the voicemail beep). Gene was calling to see what I was doing for lunch and dinner. I called him back and he asked me to meet him at Mandalay at Noon. At that time it was 10:45. Only in Las Vegas is it completely possible to need nearly 90 minutes to make it a mile down the road. Gene called back at 11:45 and I was still 15 minutes away “Order a Diet Pepsi for me!”. (Mmmm, this entire town is a Pepsi town. Love it).

Lunch was sushi, which was good but not necessarily better than the sushi we get at the restaurant next to our house. Afterwards, we made reservations for dinner at 6. “What are you going to do until then?” Gene asked. “I think I’ll go back to the room and relax,” I said. “But first, I want gelato.” (There are more gelato places here than fancy sunglasses shops). I passed tons of ice cream places but no gelato places, so I ended up at Caesars, where I knew there was gelato.

The gelato was bad (it was just ice cream after all, and expensive too!), but I ate it sitting in front of the Michael Kors store there. I realized midway through that that I should use my money from the focus group on a bottle of the perfume I’ve wanted (Michael Kors Very Hollywood), so I did just that.

Did I mention that when I signed up for my Harrah’s Total Rewards card that they gave me $5 in free slot play? Did I mention that $5 in the slots does not last long? (Did I mention that I don’t like gambling? Yes, I think I did). So I did end up gambling, just a little. I didn’t realize that they’ve done away with the little tokens, which is a bummer. Ended up breaking even at Caesar’s (Being me, I played the quarter slots and the penny slots – what, did you think I was a high roller? I am not even a low roller!) after winning “big” at the “Dean Martin’s House Party” slots. (Thanks Grandma). I also managed to lose my Total Rewards card (sigh) but got it replaced. Tried (and failed) to get a pedicure at Harrah’s, so I continued my (slow, slooooooow) voyage back to Mandalay.

Also ended up playing a little bit at MGM, but ran like hell when I managed to end up ahead a little bit (I probably am the first person to gleefully cash out when I was up $10). By this point, my dogs were barking (did I mention that I wore my “cute” shoes yesterday? did I mention that my feet hurt before I boarded my first monorail yesterday?) so if I say that I limped all the way to dinner, I am not kidding. I took the tram to Mandalay and had one thought: “Socks – and will I get kicked out for walking around in socks with no shoes?”

I couldn’t find socks but I found Nirvana in the form of the “Flip Flop Shop”. Gene couldn’t believe I shelled out money for flip flops but if he’d seen how swollen my feet were…I literally had to be helped into them which says a lot.

Oh, and immediately afterwards I gambled a little bit more at Mandalay (still had time before Gene’s class let out) and ended up $62. Woohoo. While I waited for Gene (because, yes, I did run like hell after winning!) I talked to my sister in law, who is 5 days past due w/ my niece. No progress, but hopefully soon!

Today’s plans are…well, it’s nearly noon and I am still in the room, so I think I really will get that relaxing day here. Finally. (Plus, my monorail pass expired, I think, so I may just have room service).

Still no gambling, still no drinking. Still the dorkiest girl walking around Las Vegas. Woohoo! I had intended on getting out of the room by 9:30 (so I could enjoy a lovely buffet breakfast as part of my $35 all you can eat buffet pass) but ended up running late because I was entranced by this silver thing that makes noise. I think you call it a television, but I didn’t have use an XBox controller to work it, so maybe not.

Had an 11:45 am date. Here’s an interesting story: So yesterday while I’m at the MGM Grand, a lady gives me a ticket for “Television City,” a free thing where you can watch a TV show and tell the people what you think of it. I’m not actually sure how it works, because the people at the Television City desk instead asked if I was going to be around tomorrow (which is now today). I had nothing going on, so I said I would be around. Basically, instead of watching a TV show I got to be part of a very small focus group to discuss something. And for doing that (it took 2 hours), I was paid the handsome sum of $100.

Yes, I am the only person to come to Las Vegas, not gamble and actually come out ahead. (Without working as a hooker, that is).

After that, I ambled (via monorail, because I was! not! going! to! walk! a lot! today!) to Planet Hollywood and had their buffet for a late lunch. It was incredible. (So, yes, I think I did get my money out of the 24 hour buffet pass). And then I wandered around the Planet Hollywood mall (why???) and then when my feet fell off again, I got back on the monorail and came back to the hotel. My feet are done for the day!

Supposedly Las Vegas has 300 beautiful days a year, but I think today (or at least right now) may not be one of them. In looking out the window of my hotel room (with its view of the Hilton, the Stratosphere, and if I stand all the way to the right I can see Encore by Wynn) I just noticed that I can also see mountains in the distance. Hmm.

Got up, kicked Gene out of the hotel room (again). Bought a monorail ticket because I’d be darned if I was going to do that much walking again (hahahahah). Eventually met up with Gene and two of his coworkers and had lunch at Mandalay. After lunch, walked through the MGM again and planned to do the Television City thing where you watch TV and give your opinion (more about that tomorrow – long story).

Took the monorail back to the Bellagio and watched the fountains again (must do that after dark soon although not sure how as my feet have fallen off). Walked through the Gallery of Fine Art at the Bellagio ($2 discount with AAA card! Woot!), which was nice but small and probably ultimately not worth $13. The Bellagio is very very nice and I would some day love to stay there. I saw a sign for “Aria and City Center” and thought, hey I haven’t been there yet! So I took the train to that. Wow. Woooow. Again I was the mayor of Hick City (“Gawwwwleee, that is the shiniest mall I have ever seen!”).

And here is something I can take off my Bucket List: I walked into the Louis Vuitton store. Now, if you know me, you know that I don’t like logo stuff. Old Navy, I am not going to give you money for a tshirt that says “OLD NAVY”. I am not a billboard. And everywhere I have been, both at the airport in Houston and in Las Vegas, women have been carrying these frigging LV bags. Aaaaaaand, awhile back I happened upon their website and found a bag I genuinely like. (And since this is me we’re talking about, rest assured that is very sedate and tasteful. And sadly unavailable in knockoff form).

No, I didn’t buy it…I saw it, though! I was hoping the salesgirl might offer to let me touch it (“You, over there, the homeless girl with the plain leather Coach bag…wanna touch a purse?”) but she was busy helping a mother and teenage daughter select a $1000 bag for her to carry her school books in. (Yes really). So, it was fun to dream. And if somehow we strike it rich here (unlikely since I haven’t gambled at all) I am buying it.