Five minutes later I texted Denise: “Home w/ migraine. Tell me it’s OK to call in sick for that”

“Absolutely!” she replied 90 seconds later. She is a good and loyal friend. Next, I took half of an Ambien.

I hate calling in sick for work because inevitably I have to go back to work and I don’t wanna!

I slept again until noonish, when I theoretically felt up to heating up leftover beef stew for lunch for the humans. By 2 PM, I was asleep again. I think I took a full Ambien this time. Around 4, Gene stuck his head in our bedroom and asked if I’d be up to going to dinner at 6 at Our Favorite Local Restaurant.

“Sure!” I replied, even though I think I was hoping for sushi and my “Sure!” was kind of a “Yeahh, football!” in A Christmas Story type of “Sure”. Regardless, I woke up again at, oh, 5:45 to dress for dinner. I think I ate appetizers for dinner and ended up home with cake for dessert.

(Moral of the story: Stay home).

Oh, and at some point in the day I called in a refill for more Ambien. Yay.

Today!!!! TOOOOOODAAAAAY I woke up with a sore back. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

So now today’s been a heating pad, Aleve, walking around the Outlet Mall (we had to get tickets for the Best Picture Showcase* and also a new pillow for me **) kind of day.  Yes, I totally should have put off traipsing around the mall until…tomorrow. Or never. But I’m a woman, and a particularly stupid kind of woman who refuses to just say eff it and hole up with the laptop and Netflix episodes of Greys Anatomy.

*yeaaah, gonna make Gene see The Artist!

**and NOW I wish I’d made Gene buy the pretty purse for me that I spied in the window @ Michael Kors or at least walked through the Coach outlet (one never knows what’s in there that is not specially made for the outlet and cheap). The chance of getting him to the mall by himself tomorrow is 2% and the chance of me getting back to the mall tomorrow is exactly -500%.

Am I over my Xmas Music malaise? It’s only been going on since approximately 1999 so it’s about time. I assumed it would be fatal, yet…not so much.

So, the other day I was driving around and one of Gene’s Richard Cheese songs came on the iPod. Let’s agree that it was his lounge lizard version of Baby Got Back (which is a pretty good version, until you get it in your head and your’e at work and instead of payroll, all you can think about is “Skinny in the middle but got much baaack!”).

Anyway, so the song is playing and I am thinking, “Who the hell got the idea to totally change up a song when they cover it?” I have actually suggested to Gene that we put together a playlist on the iPod called “Horrifying Covers” that includes all of the Richard Cheese oeuvre as well as the blueglass covers of Gin and Juice and Centerfold (bahh, banjos…).

Eventually I get bored and turn off the iPod and turn on the radio. And the next song on the station is Eric Clapton’s MTV Unplugged acoustic version of “Layla” (you know, the version that, instead of going “LAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYLLLAAAAAA! You got me on my knees!”, goes “Laaaaaayyyyla, you got me on my zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz :: snort :: whaaa? Where am I?”). I listen to it for a little while (it’s kind of in my DNA) and realize, Oh. Eric Clapton, you have a lot to answer for!

(I mean, c’mon…if he’d recorded that version first, Pattie Boyd wouldn’t have been convinced to change her socks let alone husbands…)!

So, I’m reading this book. It says “Lindsey Lohan Sucks” on the side, but inside it’s “Twilight.” I started it when I was sick last week. Last week, I read “Lace II”, “Zoya” and “Mini-Shopaholic.” Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pages. Granted, I started “Twilight” late in the sickness, but this book is awful. Literally, the best written part of this book is “Lindsey Lohan Sucks”. (Frankly, I didn’t realize that the typical 15 year old girl cared about Lindsey anymore, but whatevs). I own no less than 2 V.C. Andrews series and I vividly remember many of the Sweet Valley High books so it’s not like I don’t have a reference point for “terrible”. I’m less than 200 pages into it but I’m still hoping to muscle through it as I have the rest of the series.

(Let me saw “THANK YOU Bookmooch.com!” because at least I didn’t pay for any of the “Twilight” books).

(And thanks Stefanie Meyer for proving that it can’t be THAT difficult to get published…).

Anyway…back in those crazy days, D (she has a full name! It’s Denise!) left for her FMLA leave about 2 weeks before I left the Old Job for good (ahhh). Neither of us planned it that way (for all that it felt good to torture Gwen) but sometimes things don’t happen in the best way, they just happen like they happen.

So, a Tuesday was D’s last day before her leave and it was the Last Day I’d Ever Work With Denise. (OMG, I’m sad just thinking about it!) I had never, ever taken a picture with her, not in nearly 8 years of working together. But that day, I took the picture. And here it is!

(My chin is really not so wide that you could show home movies on it, it’s the angle. Quick, look at Denise’s pretty blue necklace instead!)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Visited Germany, interviewed for a job that I was later offered! And accepted! And then, improbably, promoted from!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My 2010 resolutions were: finish the novel, get a new job, read more books, fold the laundry on time, and reduce clutter. I succeeded in getting a new job, I fold the laundry on time (same day) about 90% of the time (although it helps that I watch Gossip Girl on the CW’s website at the same time; we shall see how well I do when it goes into summer reruns!), I read a ton of books this year (some of dubious quality), and the clutter is reduced thanks to Thanksgiving. I don’t know why I ever even entertain the idea of finishing the novel – I have been noodling at it since I was a teenager – if I really wanted to finish it I think 20 years is quite long enough. Anyway, in 2011, I want to dress nicer (ha ha ha!), embrace Tough Love, and have more fun. Oh, and get my Certified Payroll Professional certification – LaineyD, CPP!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Darn near all of you! My brother and his wife welcomed their daughter, Brandy had her twins, etc etc. (Fingers crossed for any of you hoping to give birth in 2011!!!!)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No!

5. What countries did you visit?
Germany, the Netherlands, and the airport in Paris. I also ate dinner at the buffet in the Paris Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, but that’s probably not a valid answer.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 14, the last day I worked at the old place, July 19, the first day I worked at the new place

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
New job! Promotion!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing to tell the CEO of my old employer that his shitty leadership cost him a damned good employee on July 14. (He wouldn’t have cared).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Root canal, crown, planning on surgery in 2011

11. What was the best thing you bought?
New washing machine. (Geez, am I 33 or 93???)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Gene’s, for finally starting to come out of it, slowly.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Someone’s ex-something. Stupid whore. (Same answer since at least 2008)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Visa, Germany, the place we bought the couch, and a puta estupida.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Washing machine bells and whistles, relaxing on vacation in Las Vegas and Indiana, new job.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Anything by Lady Gaga or Ke$ha – 2010 was the year that I finally embraced Top 40 radio.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier or at least more immune

18. Thinner or fatter?
Fat fat fat fat fat. I think I weigh 900 lbs.

19. Richer or poorer?
The same.

20. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had taken more time off during the 7.5 months I worked at the old place. I think I left there with a week and a half of time off unused. Oh well!

21. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Regretting

22. How will you be spending Christmas? Xmas 2010: at home, just Gene and I and the dogs. Xmas 2011: maybe more of the same.

23. Did you fall in love in 2010?

No

24. Any one night stands?

Nothing new on the nightstand front…but we did buy a sofa!

25. What was your favorite TV program?

Gossip Girl, Veronica Mars

26. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No one new, although I am not a member of the Fans of Broomhilda club.

27. What was the best book you read? Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang was good. I read a lot thanks to Bookmooch.com but a lot of it is chick lit.

28. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The Top 40 station, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, etc.

29. What did you want and get?
Almost everything.

30. What did you want and not get?
Just that one last thing.

31. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don’t remember seeing much in the theater besides Inception and that was very good. Ooh, I forgot about the Oscar Showcase; loved An Education, Inglorious Bastards, etc.

32. What did you do on your birthday?
Mom, Gene and I went to dinner and watched the last couple minutes of the Purdue game while eating at the bar.

33. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
GETTING PREGNANT. It never, ever goes away. Seriously, the year I turn 60 I’ll still think, “Huh, I really thought 2037 would be my year…”

34. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Mediocre, and I just ordered more Old Navy tshirts, so it’s not likely to change.

35. What kept you sane?
Umm, yeah… how about I just tell you about the Post-It note on my monitor at work? It says “BE NICE” and I put it there after saying something not nice about a coworker. So far, my coworkers are fooled.

36. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Blah blah blah Henley c. 1991.

37. What political issue stirred you the most?
Hey, I was shocked to find out there were 3 women on the Supreme Court.

38. Who did you miss?
The Boy. The Boy. The Boy. And Blanche. And Grandma.

39. Who was the best new person you met?
All of the great people at the new job: Bossman, Mrs. Bossman, Bathroom Talker, PattyandSelma, etc.

40. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Check the oven before preheating just in case there’s a metal container of Chex mix inside.

41. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da

Get a job!

But this is a tale of Grandma A, my Dad’s mom. She was…one hell of a lady. The thing is, she passed away when I was in the 6th grade so many of my memories of her are a little fuzzy. Both because they happened when I was no older than 11 years old and because I do have some pictures from that era, which of course makes me wonder if I remember or if I am just thinking of the picture.

When Grandma was alive, she and Grandpa lived in Illinois. A few times she took me to Chicago on the train. I don’t remember a thing about those trips other than the times she took me to lunch (dinner? snack?) at the restaurant on the 95th floor of…well, some big building in Chicago. It was where I was introduced to the greatness that is chocolate mousse (thanks Grandma…).

And as the years passed, I would think of the restaurant and the mousse and the fact that it was located nearly 100 floors above the ground and as always, the memory seemed kind of murky. Did I get it confused with a children’s book? Did I dream this happening? Really, 95 floors up? No way.

And then, one day I was reading the comments to a blog post on another blog and someone referenced the restaurant on the 95th floor of the John Hancock building in Chicago as a great place to eat. Thanks to Google (which I’d never thought to try before for this), I found the site for what is now called the “Signature Room at the 95th” and for once I had my memories vindicated. The dim recesses of my memory recognized it. It existed, I had eaten there (even though the mousse is MIA on the current menu), and a little piece of my childhood (and with it, Grandma A) came back to me.

Is it time for dinner yet?

How about bedtime?

I am so tired. Working is hard. On the bright side, I’m learning a lot about the software I’ll be using/supporting. My job is going to be setting up new client payroll data in the software. I’m not sure how much I’ll be communicating with the clients and I am pretty sure I won’t have to meet them (which means probably no business cards, drat…but who knows – I could end up surprised). I like my new employer because they have a ton of work for me to do and it’s all payroll. No HR, no benefits, no drug testing (heck, I wasn’t drug tested…finally, I can develop the coke addiction I’ve always dreamed of), no helping out A/P.

So far, the only bad things are the whole “no sneakers” rule (what is that about??? Was the CEO dumped on prom night by the CEO of Reebok?), the “no internet” rule (seriously, I may develop the coke addiction just to offset the shakes from no Internet) and most importantly, no D.

Actually! That reminds me….more later.