So I’m reading my stats and checking to see how people ended up here. I’ve only reopened the Cheesecake for Google hits in the last few weeks, so luckily the weirdos looking for “saleslady Elaine” (ugh, don’t look it up…UGH) haven’t found me. Today someone got here by searching for “Sweet things husbands do for pregnant wives”<\/p>\n
Dude, is there no Oprah where you live?? Are there seriously men this clueless?<\/p>\n
The dishes.<\/p>\n
(Better yet, bring home dinner from a place without a drive through)<\/p>\n
Rub her feet.<\/p>\n
(Better yet, pay someone to rub her feet and put polish on her toenails, too)<\/p>\n
Cry.<\/p>\n
(Better yet, weep uncontrollably about “How happy this makes meeeeeee”)<\/p>\n
Clearly, I am now writing fairy tales.<\/p>\n
(Oh, and for the love of all that’s holy, don’t tell her family “She’s waddling<\/em><\/strong> over to the phone now, hold on”)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So I’m reading my stats and checking to see how people ended up here. I’ve only reopened the Cheesecake for Google hits in the last few weeks, so luckily the weirdos looking for “saleslady Elaine” (ugh, don’t look it up…UGH) haven’t found me. Today someone got here by searching for “Sweet things husbands do for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1040","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-elsewhere-on-the-internet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1040","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1040"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1040\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1040"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1040"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1040"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}