So anyway, Friday I had LASIK surgery.<\/p>\n
(Even better than that, I had the day off of work…yayayay!)<\/p>\n
Anyway, my appointment was yesterday at 9:30 AM, way in downtown Cheesecake City, so the alarm actually went off at 6:30 AM. Which is an entire half hour earlier than my normal alarm. Pffht.<\/p>\n
And I’d already woken up, anyway. I’d been up since 5. I killed time by petting the dogs and playing Canasta on Pogo. After Gene and I were dressed, we discussed breakfast. “Fast food?” I suggested, eager to just eat something so my Lexapro and the Ativan wouldn’t make me sick.<\/p>\n
“B’Evans?” he retorted. For the record, Bob Evans no longer has sliced mush on the menu. There is, however, a picture of a Bob Evans restaurant from another era that looks just like the restaurant near my Grandma M’s house so it always makes me nostalgic (although, I don’t recall ever actually eating there with Grandma M).<\/p>\n
I wasn’t eager to dawdle over breakfast (Cheesecake City traffic often sucks) but what the hell, there’s always time for bacon. The waitress, inexplicably, sang us a little song as she brought us the food about her being the Breakfast Fairy or something. It would have been charming if I were 6 or 96, but I’m 35 and a little nervous about my eyes being lasered shut so I would have really just appreciated a “Here ya go!” as she dropped the food on the table.<\/p>\n
(Note to Bob Evans: drug testing for servers?)<\/p>\n
Anyway. Eventually we got to Cheesecake City Laser Eye Center. I got to sign a long document stating that I would not sue if everything went awry. Apparently, now that I have had LASIK, I am no longer allowed to work in certain industries. They didn’t state which industries but I’m going to guess that aeronautics is on the list.<\/p>\n
Apparently the Laser Eye center is the place to go for Botox and Restylane so while we waited I paged through an ad for Restylane. When I get those mustache area wrinkles (shudder) I am totally getting Restylane injected to fix that shit. (No kidding)<\/p>\n
Anyway. Eventually it was my turn. I got to wear a blue surgical cap. The nurses put a bunch of drops in my eyes. At some point I got 2 mg of Ativan and some sum of Prednisone. I was really annoyed that the Ativan never made me feel loopy. But then, after one of the rounds of eye drops, I told Gene “this is all so touching!” as I blotted my eyes and I also told him that the prednisone would make my eyes want to clean the house but the rest of me would be asleep. (Har har, prednisone humor).<\/p>\n
Oh, and the lady who had surgery done shortly before me had to be wheeled out of the surgery room in a wheelchair. I am 99% sure I exited under my own power.<\/p>\n
The surgery itself is the weirdest damn thing. It was done in two parts: the green laser part and the red laser part. The green laser part creates the f-l-a-p (AHHHH!!). The red laser part…I have no clue, except I no longer have f-l-a-p-s so there’s that (YAY?).<\/p>\n
At some point after that, another doctor looked at my eyes and declared them good to go. Finally, we got to go home. YAY.<\/p>\n
At home, I had an Ambien and was convinced that I wasn’t sleeping except I had to be woken up every hour for more eyedrops. At some point I sent Gene out for chicken fingers. Number of chicken fingers I remember eating: zero. Later, I got another Ambien (why? Dunno). Number of Ambien I remember taking yesterday: three, a personal best.<\/p>\n
Dinner was steamed Chinese dumplings and a sushi roll (which is what I always want to eat when I’m sick). Number of dumplings or sushi I remember eating: cloudy, but I do remember telling Gene that in honor of my surgery I would give myself the gift of using a fork to eat dinner. Plus, I’d just spent a lot of money to have eye surgery, did anyone think that giving me a sharp stick (let alone two) was a good plan?<\/p>\n
Afterwards, we watched the first episode of The Killing on Netflix. Well, I had giant eye shields on and was supposed to rest my eyes so mainly I listened and fell asleep and opened my eyes once in awhile because Michelle Forbes plays the grieving mother on this show and I really like her. But every time I opened my eyes I teared up (like teary, not like tore) and then I’d blot my eyes and Gene would ask if I was OK so it just seemed easier to rest my eyes. Plus, by then I’d had two Ambien so how the hell was I awake, anyway?<\/p>\n
Soon after, I noticed that Gene took an Ambien so I decided I should have another one as well. More drops, then we shuffled off to bed. I couldn’t really walk well but I think it was my usual post-Ambien stumble and nothing special. In the middle of the night I woke up minus 1 eye shield and with eye shield tape stuck to my hand. And with a headache.<\/p>\n
(Note to self: Did I drop any Aleve on the bedroom floor?)<\/p>\n
Took some Aleve and fixed the eye shield and went back to sleep. Woke up at 6:30 (AGAIN! Worst days off EVER) because I had a follow up appointment where the same doctor looked at my eyes and said I was still OK and I could finally take off my eye shields. Wore my sunglasses home.<\/p>\n
So, I guess this is a long way of saying:<\/p>\n
Mom, I finally used my birthday present from last year.<\/p>\n
And with that, I’ve been staring at this screen too long and everything’s a little fuzzy so….that’s enough for now.<\/p>\n
(Except…PS, Gene has been a really excellent helper).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So anyway, Friday I had LASIK surgery. (Even better than that, I had the day off of work…yayayay!) Anyway, my appointment was yesterday at 9:30 AM, way in downtown Cheesecake City, so the alarm actually went off at 6:30 AM. Which is an entire half hour earlier than my normal alarm. Pffht. And I’d already…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2754","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-in-cheesecake-city"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2754","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2754"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2754\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2754"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2754"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2754"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}