Hmmm, what was the name of that really fat President who they had to build an extra huge casket for?<\/p>\n
(She uses him like a weapon)<\/p>\n
I think it was Grover Cleveland.<\/p>\n
(She can no longer hurt him herself but she has one last gun in her arsenal)<\/p>\n
Hmm, I wonder if he was named for the city he’s from or if the city was named for him.<\/p>\n
(She’s pointing it at both of us now)<\/p>\n
If he was named for the city, just call me Lainey Indianapolis.<\/p>\n
(Ten years into this and now<\/em> we’re here?)<\/p>\n Maybe there was a tribe of Indians named Cleveland, like the Sioux or Cherokee.<\/p>\n (This crossroad is killing him)<\/p>\n Ha ha, the Cleveland Indians. Wasn’t that a baseball team?<\/p>\n (I moved here for him and now what?)<\/p>\n I know someone who would know, but I don’t like baseball.<\/p>\n (How could someone use a child this way?)<\/p>\n America’s Pasttime, my ass.<\/p>\n (Doing nothing could mean losing him and doing something could break us)<\/p>\n America’s Pasttime is now the PS3 or Nintendo Wii.<\/p>\n (And what of Plan B?)<\/p>\n I love the dogs. Maybe we should get a third.<\/p>\n (I just don’t think it will happen and I am dying inside)<\/p>\n Will three dogs make us the “Crazy Family With Three Dogs” on the block?<\/p>\n (“Two\u00a0adults and a REDACTED little REDACTEDhead”\u00a0is not a family)<\/p>\n We barely have trick or treaters already<\/p>\n (We were so fucking close).<\/p>\n I suppose in a year, maybe two,<\/p>\n (Maybe six)<\/p>\n We’ll all sit and laugh about “The time Elaine thought she’d never have a child”<\/p>\n (What do I do?)<\/p>\n (What do I do?)<\/p>\n (What do I do?)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hmmm, what was the name of that really fat President who they had to build an extra huge casket for? (She uses him like a weapon) I think it was Grover Cleveland. (She can no longer hurt him herself but she has one last gun in her arsenal) Hmm, I wonder if he was named…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,20,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-870","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-baby-dreaming","category-life-in-cheesecake-city","category-the-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/870","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=870"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/870\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=870"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=870"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/laineyd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=870"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}