So I cracked open the W-2s today and they are sorted who the hell knows how. I mean, not alphabetically, not by city or state or location number. Just some random who the fuck knows method. Apparently our payroll provider outsources the W-2 stuffing to the company that hires homeless people to hold “STORE CLOSING” signs on the side of the road at the mall.
I haven’t been that stunned in a long time. It was so bad that I just couldn’t tell my boss, Gwen, about it. I think I was hoping that if I walked away, magically the problem would be fixed. So I tried that a few times to no avail. Oh well. So Gwen and I sent fuming emails to our rep at the payroll provider as well as the salesman who sold us the system. I left at 12:45 for a doctor’s appointment (nothing serious, just my usual shrinky-dink appointment) and by the time I returned at 2-something, the rep had driven from South Cheesecake to our office to pick them up. He’s spending tomorrow sorting them. I’m sorry I missed getting to say “hello!” to him but also, these W-2s have been a Battle Royale and frankly, Groundhog Day will not come too soon. (Jan 31 is a Saturday so we legally have until 2/2/09 to send them out and I know this because I have said this 10,000 times, never believing we’d actually have to use those extra days, but, here I am).
So far, no one has called me to ask for their W-2 forms from an entirely different company (no, we’re not IHOP, Cracker Barrel or Sonic, sorry) but two different people have called to bitch at me because their W-2s are wrong. “Umm, they haven’t been sent out yet. That W-2 is NOT from us.” (shakes head).
Oh, and some dork keeps calling me – sometimes 3+ times a day – to ask when they’re going out. I don’t know if she’s too busy smoking crack to hear my answer, because the 12 o’clock show is the same as the 9 o’clock show is the same as the previous day’s 4 o’clock show. The answer is NO LATER THAN FEBRUARY 2. And NO I WILL NOT FAX YOUR W2.
(Seriously: if it’s a friend or family member calling to fuck with me, you suck. Harumph).
(And for the last time, when I say “If you don’t have it by Valentine’s Day, call back” I say “Valentine’s Day” because a) everybody knows when that is, b) It’s a Saturday so I won’t be in the office, heh heh and c) The Internal Revenue Service will not give – and I am quoting them directly – a fat flying fuck about your W-2 until the 15th. Which is a Sunday. So maybe 2/16 instead.)