So, I’m completely off the rails right now, and by rails I mean I’m completely unmedicated. There was a gap in taking my new crazy pill while the insurance people decided to approve it for me and in the meantime, I decided,”heh, you know, I’d really rather not take this drug anyway” due to a annoying side effect called No Cookies Syndrome.
So, I saw Dr. F on Thursday and he wrote me a script for a hilarious new drug. Google tells me it’s for major depression. Major…depression? Me? I think of myself as being lightly anxious all the time with the occasional instance where something a little stronger would help me on the random occasion. Perhaps a light dose of Wellbutrin (mmm, all the lovely energy!) with a side bottle of…hmm, Xanax…to help when I read articles in People magazine about Snooki being pregnant or when I have to be “on” at work.
Anyway, I told Dr. F that I have some weird feelings in that heart shaped thing in my chest and he said Yeah, it’s probably residual anxiety since I’m unmedicated (both Dr. F and Gene are SUPER excited that I stopped taking my drugs) and I said Yeah, this has never happened before and he said, “Yeah?” as if I’d revealed my plans to buy a new pair of shoes.
So instead, I’m calling in the big guns. I actually drive past two emergency rooms and at least 1 Urgent Care on my way home each night and I gotta admit I was tempted to stop in. But I’m scared – first, I truly dislike hospitals in general and second I’m afraid that they’re going to listen to my weird heart beat and tell me I’m crazy, that’s not a weird heart beat at all and to leave $100 on the dresser so they can go deal with some actual sick people instead of hypochondriac drama queens named Elaine. Oh and thirdly I’m afraid they’re going to admit me because my wonky heart beats are caused by dehydration and I pretty much drink diet soda all the time. And don’t get me started on the Vitamin Water I drank today and how it’s all pure and natural and covered in a fuck ton of caffeine. Grrr.
But I think tomorrow will be the day I scoot over to the urgent care, nice and early, and ask them to listen to my heart. And tell them it feels faint. Hopefully we’ll get somewhere or else I’ll just end up embarrassed.
Or! Maybe tomorrow will be the date I wake up, my heart feels great and I go nowhere.