The Crazy

I preface all of this by saying that I picked up my new crazy pills this evening and will start them tomorrow morning.

1) I just caught myself window shopping online for something to wear to my brother’s wedding. Please note that my brother has been married for six years now. I’m not going senile, I still just feel stupid about what I wore.

2) I admitted to my entire team at work that my job makes me crazy and the Ambien is my savior.

3) I also sang a few bars of a One Direction song a couple weeks ago. I’m actually more embarrassed about singing than the rest. In my head I sound like a half dozen 17 year olds, why don’t I when I actually sing?

4) I may or may not have finished reading a currently notorious trilogy. I may or may not have read it all the way through two times. I may or may not have hunted down a copy of the original ‘fan fiction’ that spawned said trilogy so I can read that too. I may or may not feel this is like reading Anna Karenina in the original Russian, but smuttier.

5) Work is…worky. I’m pretty sure I work harder than the rest of my team, except my manager. I will say that I get shit done, though. It feels good having a lot of the answers. It’s taken two years but I finally feel a little more like the people I worked with as a client, the people who knew all the answers and could spout them without hemming and hawing and “Ummm”ing.

6) My heart is…hell, I don’t know. I drank too much Diet Dr. Pepper yesterday afternoon and felt like crap all evening at home. Did I mention I’m trying to give up caffeine, slowly? Today I had some Diet Coke at lunch and some pink lemonade with dinner and feel mostly less crappy. It is terribly unnerving to feel my heart beat strangely, feel a little like I’ve been shaken and feel winded just sitting on the sofa. It’s probably time to see a real doctor instead of the punchline to the old joke “What do you call the guy who graduated last in his class at med school?” but is it necessary to get a second opinion on hypochondria?