Dear Elaine,
You need new clothes. Your black pants are rapidly going kaput and even your trusty stash of $6 Old Navy tshirts is getting a little thin (impressive for shirts that were neigh on to see through to begin with).
That said, the first step in going clothing shopping is NOT buying a tshirt you saw on some random blog that proclaims “Fuck the Fuckers”. You can’t wear it to work. You can’t wear it to the grocery store. Or the mall. Or the movies. You can wear it to a death metal concert or to bed. And you don’t go to death metal concerts.