Or people who can’t do math. One of those.
But, if I were to mysteriously win…
First, I’d quit my job if I won even $100k. Even after taxes that buys me a few years. But if I won the big bucks…
Second, I would pay off our house.
Third, I would buy Gene a car. Whatever absurd set of wheels he desired. Even another Infiniti M35x, black on black. (Fucking A, that car was sweet).
Fourth, I would buy my Grandma’s house and rent it to my brother and his wife. And when I came to town I’d stay there. While I could theoretically buy the house for them, did you see that I won’t have any income? How else will I pay for…
Fifth, 911, bay-bee.
Sixth, I would personally commission Mountain Buggy to make 1 more Mountain Buggy Urban Single in cabana blue print. Holy moly, what a hawt set of first wheels for Plan B.
Seventh, I would buy a new couch.
Eighth, the couch would go in our lakefront house with the dock and the huge windows with the lake view with a big ass terrace where Gene and I could sit and watch the lake in the morning with our coffee (or cocoa) and in the evenings with our martinis.
Ninth, I would do something really wonderful for my parents. And my favorite Aunt.
Tenth, I would go to London on my own damn dime on that airplane where the first class seats turn into beds.
Eleventh, Mile High Club, duh.
Twelfth, I would buy myself a job at Sirius so I could hang out with the people on Channel 22, First Wave.
Thirteenth, Nanny.
Fourteenth, Another Nanny.
Fifteenth, weekly cleaning lady. And one for my Mom.
Sixteenth, weekly massages.
Seventeenth, I would totally be a Deadhead-type person the next time the Eagles tour.
Eighteenth, I would get my chin mole fixed because I feel like a troll.
Nineteenth, I would chill and write something. I’d have two nannies and a cleaning lady, I need something to do.
Twentieth, I would buy Don Henley guitar lessons because watching him walk around on stage with his guitar around his neck and not freaking do more than strum the damned thing just annoys me. It’s a musical instrument, not a watch. It has a freaking purpose.
Twenty-first, I’d buy a joke writer for Glenn Frey. If I hear him call Take it to the Limit the “Credit card” song one more time…
Twenty-second, I’d make sure D’s daughter gets through law school without those pesky student loans.
Twenty-third, the Boy and Plan B would not hurt for a blessed thing.
Twenty-fourth, I’d totally fuck with nature to make sure Plan B is a Plan G(irl).
I’m not saying that money buys happiness, because of course it doesn’t. But I’m willing to bet it helps!