Hmmm, what was the name of that really fat President who they had to build an extra huge casket for?
(She uses him like a weapon)
I think it was Grover Cleveland.
(She can no longer hurt him herself but she has one last gun in her arsenal)
Hmm, I wonder if he was named for the city he’s from or if the city was named for him.
(She’s pointing it at both of us now)
If he was named for the city, just call me Lainey Indianapolis.
(Ten years into this and now we’re here?)
Maybe there was a tribe of Indians named Cleveland, like the Sioux or Cherokee.
(This crossroad is killing him)
Ha ha, the Cleveland Indians. Wasn’t that a baseball team?
(I moved here for him and now what?)
I know someone who would know, but I don’t like baseball.
(How could someone use a child this way?)
America’s Pasttime, my ass.
(Doing nothing could mean losing him and doing something could break us)
America’s Pasttime is now the PS3 or Nintendo Wii.
(And what of Plan B?)
I love the dogs. Maybe we should get a third.
(I just don’t think it will happen and I am dying inside)
Will three dogs make us the “Crazy Family With Three Dogs” on the block?
(“Two adults and a REDACTED little REDACTEDhead” is not a family)
We barely have trick or treaters already
(We were so fucking close).
I suppose in a year, maybe two,
(Maybe six)
We’ll all sit and laugh about “The time Elaine thought she’d never have a child”
(What do I do?)
(What do I do?)
(What do I do?)