Dear Elaine, You need new clothes. Your black pants are rapidly going kaput and even your trusty stash of $6 Old Navy tshirts is getting a little thin (impressive for shirts that were neigh on to see through to begin with). That said, the first step in going clothing shopping is NOT buying a tshirt…
Oh, the dreams you have
(when you’re not taking Ambien) I kind of had a bad day on Friday that led me to not feel well all day Saturday due to it…it’s a hangover with an extra side of shame, so it’s really a Shameover. But Friday and Saturday nights were the first nights that I’ve slept without taking my…
The case against having your vacation bank displayed on your paycheck stub
(or as we say in the business, your voucher) So, it’s 4 or 5 days from December. The good news is that I get paid on Thursday. This is the time of year when phrases like “black out dates”, “year end”, “working on Saturdays” and “Fuck you Christmas on Tuesday*” get bandied about the office….
Vocabulary Lesson
So, I should be folding the laundry but I’m not. Instead, I’m reading a thread on Gawker that included screencaps from various Twitter feeds. One of the Tweets (tweets? We capitalize ‘Twitter’ so therefore we capitalize ‘Tweets’ right?) mentions that the Tweeter (yes, at this point I’m just coming up with new tenses of the…
Thankful ’12
So, despite my best efforts to stop time, we’ve hit the holiday season. Again. (Which means that year end is around the corner, but this is a post about things I AM thankful for, and besides, I just bought a half case of Apothic White, which should last me until at least January) This year,…
Who am I?
In case the thought bubble about a nose ring wasn’t bad enough, I just had the passing idea about having different handbags for each season. And the thought, “maybe I should find out what that lipgloss thing is all about” has been worryingly persistent. (Usually when I find my lipgloss on the bathroom counter). Maybe…
Well then
I wonder if my employer’s dress code allows nose rings. Not, per se, Jane Child-style nose-ring connected to earring connected to ankle ring fuckery, but a little one. And this is the conclusion of tonight’s episode of “Elaine Thinks Thoughts She Has Never Thought Before” PS – I’ll probably never do this because OWW, hurts!…
Randoms…
OMG, it’s Sunday night already. What the hell?? It couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes ago I was happily driving home from work, thinking “YAY this is the weekend that will last 20 years instead of 30 seconds! I will write the Great American Novel, lose 50 pounds and clean my house from top…
Better
And 8 days later, I think I am doing better. I’m sorry to worry you. Here are the highlights of the last week or so… 1) Had an unexpected half day last Thursday when I puked at work (in the ladies room, not that you asked). The whole thing was truly unreal; apparently when I…
Foaming…
Remember the situation I alluded to in my previous post? About how we got bad news and it made a sad situation worse? OMG, now it’s even worse. Incomparably, nauseatingly, shatteringly (is that a word? Spellcheck approved it, so…) worse. I don’t even know how to describe it, really I don’t. I need this to…